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Some people believe that a good way to reduce crime is longer sentences. Others may think there are alternate ways to this problem. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that a good way to reduce crime is longer sentences. Others may think there are alternate ways to this problem. v. 1
Crime has tremendously increased across the globe over the decade. people are committing unimaginable heinous crimes and are given long sentences as punishment. However, there are a few countries which impose other ways of punishment. The following essay discusses both the views. All crimes committed cannot be treated as equal and not all punishments imposed should be the same. Many teenagers commit crime unknowingly and their maturity levels and level of understanding about social lawe are at a naive level. These tender buds who commit crime cannot be given long sentences as they have a bright future ahead of them and would like to correct themselves if given a chance. Moreover, many people who commit crime keep appealing in higher courts to reduce their time which might take several years or even decades. On the contrary, many countries have started alternate ways of punishing people. Governments have started counselling sessions by showing videos about how difficult life can be behind bars. For instance, in India people who drive vehicles rashly and commit accidents are shown videos about prisoners and their life behind bars. In addition, some countries have even started imposing community service as a punishment. Offenders are asked to do community service for 6 months or a year depending on the intensity of the crime. To conclude, I believe that not all crimes should be treated equally and different punishments should be given for different crimes. Long sentences is not the only way to correct a person but other ways such a community service should be tried first to correct themselves.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crime
has
tremendously
increased across the globe over the decade.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
are committing unimaginable heinous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
long sentences as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
.
However
, there are a few countries which impose other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
. The following essay discusses both the views.

All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
committed cannot
be treated
as equal and not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
imposed should be the same.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
unknowingly
and their maturity levels and level of understanding about social
Possible spelling mistake found.
lawe
are at a naive level. These tender buds who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
long sentences as they have a bright future ahead of them and would like to correct themselves if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a chance.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
appealing in higher courts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their time which might take several years or even decades.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
alternate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of punishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
counselling sessions by showing videos about how difficult life can be behind bars.
For instance
, in India
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who drive vehicles
rashly
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
accidents
are shown
videos about prisoners and their life behind bars.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries have even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
imposing community service as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
. Offenders
are asked
to do community service for 6 months or a year depending on the intensity of the crime.

To conclude
, I believe that not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
should
be treated
equally
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. Long sentences is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to correct a person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
such a community service should
be tried
first
to correct themselves.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people believe that a good way to reduce crime is longer sentences. Others may think there are alternate ways to this problem. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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