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Many people believe that we should focus on more GM foods. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v.2

Many people believe that we should focus on more GM foods. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 2
The scarcity of nutrition supply is becoming apparent, so some genetics scientists suggest solving this problem with transformed DNA. This essay will consider the pros and cons of this kind of food. Let us begin with merits of food with modified genetic structure. The first advantage is that it is resistant to both illnesses and pesticides. Most vegetables and fruits perish in large numbers because of various diseases as well as unwanted insects, but genetically altered crops are immune to many infections and have an unattractive smell for pesticides. Another benefit is that its production is relatively more fruitful. Crops with modified genes can grow faster and bigger than traditional ones, so more people can feed on them. Furthermore, It can thrive in dry regions. Due to its ability to consume small amounts of water, this sort of vegetation can flourish, for example, in desserts or mountains. Despite the above mentioned benefits, genetically modified foodstaff has many drawbacks. First of all, it may cause some serious disorders. Food with generic modification has allegedly resulted in a few cases of cancer, but medicine organization has not acknowledged these incidents yet. Secondly, altered crops has some negative impacts on the environment. When it penetrates the soil as household waste, it usually poisons trees and small animals. Finally, it is hardly possible to find traditional food in large markets. Genetically modified food is prevailing in the market thanks to its low price and making the sale of conventional food unprofitable; therefore, if one wants to buy unaltered vegetables, they have to address private gardeners. In conclusion, genetically changed food has both positive and negative sides.
The scarcity of nutrition supply is becoming apparent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
genetics scientists suggest solving this problem with transformed DNA. This essay will consider the pros and cons of this kind of food.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with merits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modified
genetic structure. The
first
advantage is that it is resistant to both illnesses and pesticides. Most vegetables and fruits perish in large numbers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of various diseases
as well
as unwanted insects,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genetically
altered crops are immune to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
infections and have an unattractive smell for pesticides. Another benefit is that its production is
relatively
more fruitful. Crops with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modified
genes can grow faster and bigger than traditional ones,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can feed on them.
Furthermore
, It can thrive in dry regions. Due to its ability to consume
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amounts of water, this sort of vegetation can flourish,
for example
, in
Possibly confused word: Did you mean "deserts" (= a barren area of landscape with little precipitation) instead of 'desserts' (= a confectionery course that concludes a main meal)?
desserts
or mountains.

Despite the above mentioned benefits,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genetically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modified
Possible spelling mistake found.
foodstaff
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it may cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious disorders.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
with generic modification has allegedly resulted in a few cases of cancer,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
medicine organization has not acknowledged these incidents
yet
.
Secondly
, altered crops has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on the environment. When it penetrates the soil as household waste, it
usually
poisons trees and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
animals.
Finally
, it is hardly possible to find traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in large markets.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Genetically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is prevailing in the market thanks to its low price and making the sale of conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
unprofitable;
therefore
, if one wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
unaltered vegetables, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
address private gardeners.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genetically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Many people believe that we should focus on more GM foods. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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