Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people believe that crime is a result of social problems and poverty, others think that crime is a result of bad person's nature. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people believe that crime is a result of social problems and poverty, others think that crime is a result of bad person's nature. v. 2
It is often argued that whether crime is done by innate characteristics or because of poverty that is a source of conservatory has not been settled yet. However, some masses think that social issue or poverty the reason to turn into a career of crime, while other individuals believe that innate character is a result of crime. From my prospective, detrimental issue and insufficiency are the prime cause of crime, as person's nature is also access to crime at some extent. In this essay, I would discuss about both the views. On the one hand, person's nature determines that they would become criminal. Whereas, plenty of individual which they are bullied in their schools, to the weaker boys or girls that turn into a criminal in the future. Moreover, bad characteristics such as laziness or selfishness could also breed future offenders, who seek to acquire easy money without doing hard work, Since to it they break the laws. On the flip side, it seems that the social issues and poverty are the main concern behind the crime. Thus, owing to the unemployment people fail to earn money by which they cannot take up their expenditure which increase the crime rate. Furthermore, people who don't have a money they resorting to crime for make end meet, and they will be tempted to pursue illegal activities just to support themselves and their family. In conclusion, those facts which discussed above, I would therefore argue that although the main reason to break the law is people don't have enough money for their basic needs; However, there are some that people who have criminal nature, consequently government must take some appropriate action regarding that.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is done
by innate characteristics or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of poverty
that is
a source of conservatory has not
been settled
yet
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
masses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that social issue or poverty the reason to turn into a career of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, while other individuals believe that innate character is a result of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. From my prospective, detrimental issue and insufficiency are the prime cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, as person's nature is
also
access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent. In this essay, I would
Did you mean simply "discuss both"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about both
the views.

On the one hand, person's nature determines that they would become criminal. Whereas,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of individual which they
are bullied
in their schools, to the weaker boys or girls that turn into a criminal in the future.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
characteristics such as laziness or selfishness could
also
breed future offenders, who seek to acquire easy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
without doing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, Since to
Consider adding a comma here.
it
they break the laws.

On the flip side, it seems that the social issues and poverty are the main concern behind the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
Thus
, owing to the unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fail to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
by which they cannot take up their expenditure which increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who don't have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
Did you mean "they're resorting", "they are resorting", or "they were resorting"?
they resorting
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
, and they will
be tempted
to pursue illegal activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to support themselves and their family.

In conclusion
, those facts which discussed above, I would
therefore
argue that although the main reason to break the law is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don't have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their basic needs;
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have criminal nature,
consequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
appropriate action regarding that.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that crime is a result of social problems and poverty, others think that crime is a result of bad person's nature. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts