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Some people believe that a crime is a result of social problems and poverty, others think that crime is a result of bad person's nature. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that a crime is a result of social problems and poverty, others think that crime is a result of bad person's nature. v. 1
The reasons behind crime has been a heated topic of debate in the today's world. People hold different views, whether crime is as a result of social problems and poverty or due to people's bad characteristics. From my standpoint, crime is consequence of social problems and shortage. On the one hand, there are a few reasons why crimes depend on people's nature. The first one is that, there are two choices in front of people, whether work hard for a salary or earns much money easily from robbery or shoplifting. Due to their laziness, people would not work to earn a living and they would find another way which is illegal. Secondly, it is in my belief that the rest of people are grown without parents and their upbringing and those people are more likely to be offenders of crimes because they do not differ black and white. As a result, they would lead to mistakes such as turn to crime. Regardless of the above mentioned explanations, I would argue that social problems and poverty is the main fact to commit in crime significantly. The first and conceivably the most obvious reason is that unemployment rate plays am an essential role in committing crimes because most of the criminals are unemployed and they would do offences. Secondly as we know, a significant number of people are below poverty. Due to earning less money, they commit to crime for the better life. In conclusion, based on the aforementioned explanations, I consider that social problems and poverty are the most result of crime.
The reasons behind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You should probably use "have", "haven".
has
been a heated topic of debate in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
hold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views, whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is
as a result
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
or due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
characteristics. From my standpoint,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is consequence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and shortage.

On the one hand, there are a few reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
depend on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's nature. The
first
one is that, there are two choices in front of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, whether work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for a salary or earns much money
easily
from robbery or shoplifting. Due to their laziness,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would not work to earn a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
living and
they would find another way which is illegal.
Secondly
, it is in my belief that the rest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are grown
without parents and their upbringing and those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more likely to be offenders of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not differ black and white.
As a result
, they would lead to mistakes such as turn to crime.

Regardless of the above mentioned explanations, I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
is the main fact to commit in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
significantly
. The
first
and
conceivably
the most obvious reason is that unemployment rate plays am an essential role in committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the criminals are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
unemployed and
they would do
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
.
Secondly
as we know, a significant number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are below
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
. Due to earning less money, they commit to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
for the better life.

In conclusion
, based on the aforementioned explanations, I consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
are the most result of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Some people believe that a crime is a result of social problems and poverty, others think that crime is a result of bad person's nature. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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