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In many countries, people have health problems because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. what do you think the reasons for this and how can it be solved? v.7

In many countries, people have health problems because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. what do you think the reasons for this and how can it be solved? v. 7
People are suffering from the health problems as a result of living the lifestyle. This essay will discuss the main causes, including the long working hours and the job pressure and to deter this solution to these problems including one’s work life balance and diet. To begin with, one of the important reasons is that nowadays person can work for a longer time as compared to the past. In addition to this, they have more job pressure. For example, Research conducted shows that, most of the young people want to achieve a higher position in the company. This often results in to work overtime and give the responsibility which create the stress. Moreover, people who are not able to give time to their family create the situation which explores the stress and create problems such as diabetes, increasing blood pressure and obesity. Thus, to get the modern desire one should start to work hard and creates the problems that they had to deal with. On the other hand, there are certain solution to which helps to detriment the issue of the health. Firstly, one should try to create a balance between work and personal life and understand the situation if they not maintain then it creates a health problem. For instance, they should start to follow a schedule which makes balance between work, life, and participate in the recreational activities, such as sports, exercise. Furthermore, to maintain health they should eat food having less fat, which helps to avoid the problem like, obesity. At last, to live a healthy life one can start to eat healthy food and exercise is the best solution of the problems. In conclusion, while modern lifestyle wants a long working hour and create the stressful environment leads to the health issue that, will be solved by doing regular exercise, healthy food and maintain the balance between work-life.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are suffering from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
as a result
of living the lifestyle. This essay will discuss the main causes, including the long working hours and the job pressure and to deter this solution to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
including one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
and diet.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons is that nowadays person can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for a longer time as compared to the past.
In addition
to this, they have more job pressure.
For example
, Research conducted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that, most of the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to achieve a higher position in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
results in to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
overtime and give the responsibility which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are not able to give time to their family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
the situation which explores the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as diabetes, increasing blood pressure and obesity.
Thus
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the modern desire one should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creates
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
that they had to deal with.

On the other hand
, there are certain solution to which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to detriment the issue of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Firstly
, one should try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and understand the situation if they not maintain then it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creates
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
For instance
, they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to follow a schedule which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, and participate in the recreational activities, such as sports, exercise.
Furthermore
, to maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
they should eat food having less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to avoid the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
like, obesity. At last, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to eat healthy food and exercise is the best solution of the problems.

In conclusion
, while modern lifestyle wants a long working hour and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
the stressful environment leads to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issue that, will
be solved
by doing regular exercise, healthy food and maintain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
between work-life.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, people have health problems because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. what do you think the reasons for this and how can it be solved? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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