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In many countries, people have health problems because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. what do you think the reasons for this and how can it be solved? v.6

In many countries, people have health problems because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. what do you think the reasons for this and how can it be solved? v. 6
Unhealthy lifestyle is the reasons that person must suffer from the sickness, such as obesity, diabetes, blood pressure. The essay will discuss the reason which gives the impact of the long working hours and the sedentary lifestyle and to deter this start to eat healthy diet and regular exercise. To begin with, one of the important reasons is that nowadays person can work for a longer time as compared to the past. This type of situation person can give a more focus on work to achieve the best position which, also create a stress-full atmosphere. For example, Research conducted shows that, most of the young people are suffering from the stress; they must work for longer hours. Moreover, the advancement of the technology every place most of the work has been done by the machine, a person has to monitor that; they do not have to do any physical work and the person likes to spend sedentary lifestyle which creates the obesity. Thus, long working hour and the working style have been changed as advancement in the technology. On the other hand, there are certain solution to detriment the issue of the health. Firstly, one should start to do eat healthy food which consists of fresh fruits and vegetables. This will provide vitamins and calories and not harmful impact on the health. For instance, dieticians suggest eating food having low fat and calories. Furthermore, to deal with obesity, start to do exercise regularly, that helps to burn the fat and avoid the problems related to high blood pressure as well. At last, to live a healthy lifestyle one can start to eat healthy food and exercise is the best solution of the problems. In conclusion, while modern lifestyle wants a long working hour and working style change, which create problems this will solve by doing regular exercise and healthy food.
Unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
is the reasons that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
suffer from the sickness, such as obesity, diabetes, blood pressure. The essay will discuss the reason which gives the impact of the long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
and the sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and to deter this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
to eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet and regular exercise.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons is that nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for a longer time as compared to the past. This type of situation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can give a more focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to achieve the best position which,
also
create a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-full atmosphere.
For example
, Research conducted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that, most of the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are suffering from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
; they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
.
Moreover
, the advancement of the technology every place most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
has
been done
by the machine, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
monitor that; they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do any physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
likes to spend sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
which creates the obesity.
Thus
, long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
style have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
as advancement in the technology.

On the other hand
, there are certain solution to detriment the issue of the health.
Firstly
, one should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
to do eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which consists of fresh fruits and vegetables. This will provide vitamins and calories and not harmful impact on the health.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
dieticians
suggest eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
having low
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and calories.
Furthermore
, to deal with obesity,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
to do exercise
regularly
, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to burn the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and avoid the problems related to high blood pressure
as well
. At last, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
one can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
to eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and exercise is the best solution of the problems.

In conclusion
, while modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
wants a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
style
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, which create problems this will solve by doing regular exercise and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay In many countries, people have health problems because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. what do you think the reasons for this and how can it be solved? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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