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SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT CRIME IS A RESULT OF SOCIAL PROBLEMS AND POVERTY, OTHERS THINK THAT CRIME IS A RESULT OF BAD PERSON’S NATURE. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION. v.1

SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT CRIME IS A RESULT OF SOCIAL PROBLEMS AND POVERTY, OTHERS THINK THAT CRIME IS A RESULT OF BAD PERSON’S NATURE. v. 1
The world is facing an emerging issue of increase in crime these days. A group of people in of the opinion that society deprived of basic necessities is the cause. However, others believe that personality and state of mind is responsible for these incidents. In this essay, I would be discussing both views in detail. In many countries, society is divided into an upper and a lower class. Most of the people falling in lower class are unable to fulfill their basic needs. This means people find other ways to meet their requirements. The most tempting and easiest way it to get oneself indulge in different crimes. For example, an unemployed person gets inclined towards robbery to support one’s family. In addition, lack of education also plays a vital role in the growth of crime. The means illiterate people find it difficult to understand the consequences and can easily be trapped in performing these incidents. For instance, a teenager not going to school can easily be manipulated in supporting crime in exchange of money. On the other hand, a person’s mental stability is also the cause of increase in crime. A mind full of negative thoughts has a high chance of committing crime such as a person who enjoys mass murdering of innocent people. Rehabilitation centers are established in different countries to address this issue. For example, a center located in Islamabad is treating person suffering from mental illness committing different crimes. To conclude, there is an increase in crime which needs to be addressed immediately. People suffering from mental disorder and social problems are the causes of it. In my opinion, I agree to some extent that increase in crime is directly related to the increase in poverty.
The world is facing an emerging issue of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
these days. A group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in of the opinion that society deprived of
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
is the cause.
However
, others believe that personality and state of mind is responsible for these incidents. In this essay, I would be discussing both views in detail.

In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, society
is divided
into an upper and a lower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
falling in lower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
are unable to fulfill their basic needs. This means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find other ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their requirements. The most tempting and easiest way it to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
oneself indulge in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
For example
, an unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
inclined towards robbery to support one’s family.
In addition
, lack of education
also
plays a vital role in the growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. The means illiterate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find it difficult to understand the consequences and can
easily
be trapped
in performing these incidents.
For instance
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
not going to school can
easily
be manipulated
in supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
The usual prepositions to use after "in exchange" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "in exchange for"?
in exchange of
money.

On the other hand
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
mental stability is
also
the cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. A mind full of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
thoughts has a high chance of committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
such as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who enjoys mass murdering of innocent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Rehabilitation centers
are established
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries to address this issue.
For example
, a center located in Islamabad is treating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
suffering from mental illness committing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
crimes.

To conclude
, there is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
which needs to
be addressed
immediately.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
suffering from mental disorder and social problems are the causes of it. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is
directly
related to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in poverty.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT CRIME IS A RESULT OF SOCIAL PROBLEMS AND POVERTY, OTHERS THINK THAT CRIME IS A RESULT OF BAD PERSON’S NATURE. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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