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Some people believe that computer help to make the world better place. To what extend do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that computer help to make the world better place. Give your opinion. v. 1
The rapid development in the urban city brings a lot of problems to the youngster. In this essay, I intend to explore the sources of these problems along with some viable possible solutions to it. Chief among the causes of this problem is the overpopulation, which leads to overcrowding and environmental damage. A slum area in the urban space, for example, has a poor quality of housing as well as sanitation that could cause significant health problems. Furthermore, the air quality in cities has been often poor, due to pollution from traffic, and the streets and public transport systems are usually overcrowded. Along with a poor quality of air, water is often being scarce because the infrastructures -hotels, airports, golf field, etc. - take the underground water. The people, then, could not take the water from their wheel. In order to resolve this sense of alienation within the urban, I believe we must first address its root causes. Perhaps the most effective method of doing this would be reclaiming the right to the city. In order to make the city more humane, accessible, and liveable social space, reconfiguring approach to the planning, design, and structure of architecture and landscape is needed. By reconfiguring the urban planning, the people could participate to make what urban space they needed to live. In conclusion, I believe that this is clearly a problem of such complexity that no solution is likely in the short term. However, I believe that the measures outlined above would constitute a good first step.
The rapid development in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
city brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
to the youngster. In this essay, I intend to explore the sources of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
along with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
viable possible solutions to it.

Chief among the causes of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is the overpopulation, which leads to overcrowding and environmental damage. A slum area in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
space,
for example
, has a poor quality of housing
as well
as sanitation that could cause significant health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
Furthermore
, the air quality in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
poor, due to pollution from traffic, and the streets and public transport systems are
usually
overcrowded. Along with a poor quality of air, water is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
being scarce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the infrastructures -hotels, airports, golf field, etc.
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
take the underground water. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, then, could not take the water from their wheel.

In order to resolve this sense of alienation within the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
, I believe we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
first
address its root causes. Perhaps the most effective method of doing this would be reclaiming the right to the city. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the city more humane, accessible, and liveable social space, reconfiguring approach to the planning, design, and structure of architecture and landscape
is needed
. By reconfiguring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
planning, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could participate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
space they needed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

In conclusion
, I believe that this is
clearly
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of such complexity that no solution is likely in the short term.
However
, I believe that the measures outlined above would constitute a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
first
step.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that computer help to make the world better place. Give your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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