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We can not help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

We can not help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. with this statement? v. 1
It is often argued that assisting all needy people around the world is quite challenging, so the best way is to focus on an effort to make our own societies and countries better. I completely disagree with this opinion and think that it is essential to give aid to other international friends. First of all, I believe that we all should be helpful to each other including those who live beyond our national borders. This is because we are all human beings and inhabitants living together on Earth. Today many worldwide organizations have been formed to support deprived people from different countries. For instance, United Way is a nonprofit organization that identify and resolve pressing community issues. Secondly, economically abundant countries should contribute more to help other poor nations in various aspects. This is because they are partly reponsible for the indigent countries's predicament since, historically, those advanced countries have exploited natural resources and human labor for their own benefit. Thus, they are required to compensate for current economic difficulties of undeveloped countries. For example, famine and diseases in African countries is becoming more and more severe, leading to many horrendous consequences. Government and individuals in developed countries can save life simply by sharing the advanced technology and supporting financially. In conclusion, I agree that we should all pay attention not only to our own communities but other international friends too. We should do our best to assist others and national boundaries can not stop us from helping those who are in need.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that assisting all needy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the world is quite challenging,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the best way is to focus on an effort to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
societies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
better. I completely disagree with this opinion and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is essential to give aid to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
international friends.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I believe that we all should be helpful to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
including those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
beyond our national borders. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we are all human beings and inhabitants living together on Earth.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
worldwide organizations have
been formed
to support deprived
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
For instance
, United Way is a nonprofit organization that identify and resolve pressing community issues.

Secondly
,
economically
abundant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should contribute more to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
poor nations in various aspects. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are partly
Possible spelling mistake found.
reponsible
for the indigent
Did you mean "countrie's" or "countries'"?
countries's
predicament since,
historically
, those advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have exploited natural resources and human labor for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefit.
Thus
, they
are required
to compensate for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
economic difficulties of undeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
For example
, famine and diseases in African
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is becoming more and more severe, leading to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
horrendous consequences.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
and individuals in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can save life
simply
by sharing the advanced technology and supporting
financially
.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that we should all pay attention not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
communities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
international friends too. We should do our best to assist others and national boundaries can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
us from helping those who are in need.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay We can not help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. with this statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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