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Some people believe that competitive sports are important in children's study, whereas some believe that it is not useful as children feel that it is the only competition and winning. Discuss both the views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that competitive sports are important in children's study, whereas some believe that it is not useful as children feel that it is the only competition and winning. v. 1
Parents should let children learn their own way how they comfortable. Some argue that starting academic learning in very early is more beneficial, while others believe it is better to begin in later years. My personal view is, it is better to attend them to school in on or after age 7. To begin with, todays' highly competitive world most parents urge their children to participate in primary education by believing without systematic learning and teaching methods in very early life they will be unable to achieve success. There is no doubt, and proper academic qualification is necessary to attain a better profession and quality living if not, they will be left behind and helpless. So people fear late education will destroy their joyful little lives. Despite this argument, it is, early life is a crucial period in child's brain physical development from their own experiences. Motor and sensory skill began to develop exponentially. For example, researches' have found that from age one to six month is the foundation to higher IQ. It will also help to grow powerful cognitive functions. This is very important to produce an independent human to society and even will very useful in secondary and higher education. To conclude, some may think it is better to drive them to study as soon as possible, and some suggest that we should be patient, until the proper age period. But I firmly believe we must let our children learn the natural way from birth until they grow older.
Parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
children learn their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way how they comfortable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that starting academic learning in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early is more beneficial, while others believe it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
in later years. My personal view is, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to attend them to school in on or after age 7.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
'
highly
competitive world most parents urge their children to participate in primary education by believing without systematic learning and teaching methods in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early life they will be unable to achieve success. There is no doubt, and proper academic qualification is necessary to attain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
profession and quality living if not, they will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
behind and helpless.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
fear late education will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
their joyful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Despite this argument, it is, early life is a crucial period in child's brain physical development from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experiences. Motor and sensory
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
began to develop
exponentially
.
For example
, researches' have found that from age one to six
Possible agreement error. The noun 'month' seems to be countable, so consider using: "months".
month
is the foundation to higher IQ. It will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to grow powerful cognitive functions. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to produce an independent human to society and even will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful in secondary and higher education.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to drive them to study as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suggest that we should be patient, until the proper age period.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
firmly
believe we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
our children learn the natural way from birth until they grow older.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that competitive sports are important in children's study, whereas some believe that it is not useful as children feel that it is the only competition and winning. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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