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As we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible, but more complex and mysterious. v.1

As we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible, but more complex and mysterious. v. 1
People have various views about those who are responsible for crime prevention, some of them believe that individuals are responsible for protecting themselves and contrary arguments hold this opinion that governments should ensure safety in society for citizens. I believe that both individual and administrations are accountable, but the role of authority to prevent offence is more outstanding. On the one hand, some think that everyone in society should take care of themselves, of deviance and also keeping away from offenders is an individual responsibility. They argue that police cannot be present everywhere to prevent an accident, therefore people should take preventative measures, for example, to avoid being outside after dark, do not trust suspicious people, using public transportation, travelling in a group, etc. All of them are not adequate to keep safety, but sometimes can be a way to save someone from a transgression. On the other hand, many others have this idea that the authority plays a crucial role in preventing offence and should protect its citizens of violation and criminals. They confirm that the administration should take drastic measures to control deviance, for instance, Setting stringent rules to punish criminals can act as a deterrent, it Is fairly, the offender is severely punished. I strongly believe that providing a safe community is a responsibility of the rule because of the ability of a state for violation prevention is more than an individual. According to the evidence, the rate of committing a crime in a society, government act responsibly for establishing security, are low. To conclude, the opinion about unlawful prevention among people are different some of them think that individuals should take care of themselves, in contrast, others agree with this idea that governments have an obligation to keep safe their dwellers. In my view, although, executor and individuals should try to prevent crime, making secure circumference for people is an essential government task.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have various views about those who are responsible for crime prevention,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are responsible for protecting themselves and contrary arguments hold this opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should ensure safety in society for citizens. I believe that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
and administrations are accountable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the role of authority to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
is more outstanding.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that everyone in society should take care of themselves, of deviance and
also
keeping away from offenders is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
responsibility. They argue that police cannot be present everywhere to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
an accident,
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take preventative measures,
for example
, to avoid being outside after dark, do not trust suspicious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, using public transportation, travelling in a group, etc. All of them are not adequate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
safety,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
can be a way to save someone from a transgression.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others have this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the authority plays a crucial role in preventing
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
and should protect its citizens of violation and criminals. They confirm that the administration should take drastic measures to control deviance,
for instance
, Setting stringent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to punish criminals can act as a deterrent, it Is
fairly
, the offender is
severely
punished. I
strongly
believe that providing a safe community is a responsibility of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the ability of a state for violation prevention is more than an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
. According to the evidence, the rate of committing a crime in a society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
act
responsibly
for establishing security, are low.

To conclude
, the opinion about unlawful prevention among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
should take care of themselves,
in contrast
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
have an obligation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
safe their dwellers. In my view, although, executor and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
should try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
crime, making secure circumference for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
an essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
task.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay As we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible, but more complex and mysterious. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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