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Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they completely waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they completely waste of time. v. 1
It is often argued that children should spend free time doing activities which are related to education whereas rest of the activities are nothing but killing time. I completely disagree with this opinion and think that physical and mental developments are more important in life. First of all, outdoor activities could be a great way to pursue leisure time. Nowadays, children's have few opportunities for physical activities due to huge pressure on their education which increase the chance of obesity. Also, a minimum level of physical activity makes sure child's proper growth as well as keep them fit. For example, doctor recommended young people should allow at least four hours in a weeks on physical activities such as sports, running and walking to develop them physically fit. That is why it is more important to do outdoor activities that makes them healthier than to learn only educational things all the time. Secondly, watching television besides study may relax their mind and increase concentration power. In other words, doing study continuously reduces child's concentration on their learning and sometimes they become frustrated on education, but if they are allowed a break for refreshing them by watching their favorite sows on T. V. then it boosts their concentration on learning. It is true that quality of education is more important then counting number of hours of education. Therefore, it becomes one of the great initiative to educated child's know general aspects in locally and globally throughout T. V. Shows. To conclude, I strongly believe that different activities in leisure hours become more beneficial than doing academic study because it keeps them mentally refreshed and physically fit.
It is
often
argued that children should spend free time doing
activities
which
are related
to
education
whereas rest of the
activities
are nothing
but
killing time. I completely disagree with this opinion and
think
that
physical
and mental developments are more
important
in life.

First of all
, outdoor
activities
could be a great way to pursue leisure time. Nowadays, children's have few opportunities for
physical
activities
due to huge pressure on their
education
which increase the chance of obesity.
Also
, a minimum level of
physical
activity
makes
sure child's proper growth
as well
as
keep
them fit.
For example
, doctor recommended young
people
should
allow
at least four hours in
a weeks
on
physical
activities
such as sports, running and walking to develop them
physically
fit.
That is
why it is more
important
to do outdoor
activities
that
makes
them healthier than to learn
only
educational things all the time.

Secondly
, watching television
besides
study may relax their mind and increase concentration power.
In other words
, doing study
continuously
reduces
child's concentration on their learning and
sometimes
they become frustrated on
education
,
but
if they are
allowed
a break for refreshing them by watching their favorite sows on T. V. then it boosts their concentration on learning. It is true that quality of
education
is more
important
then
counting number of hours of
education
.
Therefore
, it becomes one of the great initiative to educated child's know general aspects in
locally
and globally throughout T. V.
Shows
.

To conclude
, I
strongly
believe that
different
activities
in leisure hours become more beneficial than doing academic study
because
it
keeps
them mentally refreshed and
physically
fit.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they completely waste of time. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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