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some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience. v.3

some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. v. 3
It is a greatly debatable topic whether children’s leisure activities should be educational or not. As far as I am concerned, I completely disagree with this argument and below I will elucidate the reasons for my standing. Firstly, society today is advancing at a very fast pace as a consequence there is a high competition in the society. In order to keep up with the competitive world it is the children who are pressurized the most. Not only they are required to study hard but at the same time they are also forced learn other skills from a very young age. Parents constantly put pressure on their children to perform better in their studies so that in future they could take admission in the best of the university and eventually earn good salaries. As such, living in a constant state of pressure has taken a toll on the lives of the children. Much research in the field suggest that 70 percent of the children between the age of 9 to 16 are struggling with mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety. The figures are quite alarming as it shows how the children, who are apparently the future of our nation, are slowly drowning in the fast-moving world. Given that, I would strongly condemn that leisure activities should have an educational base to them. I believe that leisure activities should be such that allows the child to rejuvenate themselves. Even adults intentionally undertake a leisurely activity every now and then so that they down have a breakdown due to their hectic lifestyle. To quote an example, I once had developed mild depression due to the hectic life style that I have had. Therefore, the only advice that doctor gave to me was to keep myself occupied in activities that I liked. As a consequence, I started going out with my friends to party and other places that made me happy and within a period of 6 months I completely came out of depression. This example shows the activities that I undertook to please myself were not educational, yet they were beneficial and taught me how to be happy. In conclusion, it is not necessary that a leisurely activity has an educational outcome, what’s more important is for it to be enjoyable. It is not a waste just because there is no educational value to it, rather it provides one of the most important lessons, experience.
It is a
greatly
debatable topic whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
or not. As far as I
am concerned
, I completely disagree with this argument and below I will elucidate the reasons for my standing.

Firstly
, society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is advancing at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace as a consequence there is a high competition in the society. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with the competitive world it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
are pressurized
the most. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they
are required
to study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time they are
also
forced learn other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age. Parents
constantly
put pressure on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to perform better in their studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that in future they could take admission in the best of the university and
eventually
earn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salaries. As such, living in a constant state of pressure has taken a toll on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Much research in the field suggest that 70 percent of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
between the age of 9 to 16 are struggling with mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety. The figures are quite alarming as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, who are
apparently
the future of our nation, are
slowly
drowning in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-moving world.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
that, I would
strongly
condemn that leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
should have an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
base to them. I believe that leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
should be such that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the child to rejuvenate themselves. Even adults
intentionally
undertake a
leisurely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and then
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they down have a breakdown due to their hectic lifestyle. To quote an example, I once had developed mild depression due to the hectic life style that I have had.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
advice that doctor gave to me was to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
myself occupied in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that I liked. As a consequence, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
going out with my friends to party and other places that made me happy and within a period of 6 months I completely came out of depression. This example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that I undertook to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
myself were not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
,
yet
they were beneficial and taught me how to be happy.

In conclusion
, it is not necessary that a
leisurely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
has an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
outcome, what’s more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
is for it to be enjoyable. It is not a waste
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
value to it,
rather
it provides one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
lessons, experience.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
404 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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