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Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your aswer and include any relevant examples from your experience. v.4

Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Give reasons for your aswer and include any relevant examples from your experience. v. 4
Spare time activities are considered for some people such as part of the educational plan. However, certain demographics of society think that the leisure is only a waste of time. In my opinion, I agree with the spare hours should be included in the study programs, due to this would help to create other abilities. Some people agree with the period at the school only be used for regular subjects such as: math, language, science. This argument in general expresses that it does not have leisure activities would mean that the children could share a quality time with their parents. For instance, in the past, there was not available a recreation such as course for children, and this allow have a more familiar life. Nevertheless, for the current time I think is not possibly understand the school such as institution where the people only assist for learn regular subjects. In my opnion primary and secondary should incorporate obligatorily leisure, because in the modern world the people have to work their soft skills. When we are adults, for instance, in the workplace is more relevant have emotional intelligence than other kinds of abilities, and the moment for learning this is at the school, although of recreation such as sports, dance, club of lectures, for example. In conclusion, in my view recreation is essential for the children today, since this help them to cultivate other soft abilities. In this way, this also would be a great contribution for the education, and if this enhance the world also improve.
Spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
activities
are considered
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as part of the educational plan.
However
, certain demographics of society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the leisure is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the spare hours should
be included
in the study programs, due to this would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to create other abilities.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the period at the school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for regular subjects such as: math, language, science. This argument
in general
expresses that it does not have leisure activities would mean that the children could share a quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their parents.
For instance
, in the past, there was not available a recreation such as course for children, and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
Please check whether 'to' is missing here (to allow to do something).
have
a more familiar life.

Nevertheless
, for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
is not
possibly
understand the school such as institution where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
assist for learn regular subjects. In my
Possible spelling mistake found.
opnion
primary and secondary should incorporate
obligatorily
leisure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in the modern world the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work their soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. When we are adults,
for instance
, in the workplace is more relevant have emotional intelligence than other kinds of abilities, and the moment for learning this is at the school, although of recreation such as sports, dance, club of lectures,
for example
.

In conclusion
, in my view recreation is essential for the children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, since this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to cultivate other soft abilities. In this way, this
also
would be a great contribution for the education, and if
The verb 'enhance' is plural. Did you mean: "this enhances"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this enhance
the world
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Give reasons for your aswer and include any relevant examples from your experience. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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