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Governments should spend money on railway rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement? v.1

Governments should spend money on railway rather than roads. with the statement? v. 1
people's opinions differ as to whether or not government should emphasize to build the railway service, which is reliable for the citizen. While I support that railway transportation is vividly worthwhile to access in any destination. However, I partly agree with the assertion. To begin with, railway is the popular mode of transport throughout the world, because people can reach their destination with the exact time. Moreover, it is noteworthy that the fare of the railway is much lower rather than the vehicle modes. In other words, most of the developing and underdeveloped countries people prefer to use this healthy service, they get at a time not only cheaper of cost the ticket price, but also enjoying a thrilling journey. They can enjoy natural scenario in many parts, while traveling from one place to another one. Indeed, it is quite famous for the student in many countries, because they can chill out with their peers and fellow students in making some activities. Furthermore, to bring the regular commodities in any parts is more helpful to use such modes. China, for example, usually habituate to bringing their products or transfer these items by using such mode and is trying to make a model known as silk road throughout the Asian and European continents, which would not only grow up their economy, but also make a diversity in the world. On the other hand, there are some, who argue that it is not possible to make the train service in all parts in any nation, because there are some remote and uphill places in the world, where science and technology has not reach yet, may not reach in the last two decades, therefore, to get this aesthetic facilities is a day dream for them. In addition to this, most of the train lines have been fixed in the certain area, where are needed to go in depending the public modes that run away in the road. Again, tourists prefer to travel in using public modes let alone private one. They feel comfortable to travel this mechanical innovation, which can get a lot of amenities at a time, while traveling from one to another. If a group of tourist travel in the hill sides, for example, they have to access in another natural sites to know and see these eye catching beauties. So, all can be possible by using such mechanical mode. In conclusion, it seems to me that railway service do not have to suffer the traffic congestion in the street, which is worthwhile all walk of people in the state. Although, it reduces the risk of accident that interlink in the road.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
's opinions differ
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
as to whether or not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should emphasize to build the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
, which is reliable for the citizen.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
I support that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
transportation is
vividly
worthwhile to access in any destination.
However
, I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the assertion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
is the popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mode
of transport throughout the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can reach their destination with the exact time.
Moreover
, it is noteworthy that the fare of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
is much lower
rather
than the vehicle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modes
.
In other words
, most of the developing and underdeveloped countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
at a time not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
cheaper of cost the ticket price,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
enjoying a thrilling journey. They can enjoy natural scenario in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts, while traveling from one place to another one.
Indeed
, it is quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for the student in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can chill out with their peers and fellow students in making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities.
Furthermore
, to bring the regular commodities in any parts is more helpful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modes
. China,
for example
,
usually
habituate to bringing their products or transfer these items by using such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mode
and is trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a model known as
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
silk road
throughout the Asian and European continents, which would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
grow up their economy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a diversity in the world.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, who argue that it is not possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
in all parts in any nation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
remote and uphill places in the world, where science and technology has not
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "reached".
reach
yet
, may not reach in the last two decades,
therefore
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
this aesthetic facilities is a day dream for them.
In addition
to this, most of the train lines have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
in the certain area, where
are needed
to go in
The verb 'to depend' requires the preposition '(up)on': "depending on".
depending
the public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modes
that run away in the road. Again, tourists prefer to travel in using public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
alone private one. They feel comfortable to travel this mechanical innovation, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
amenities at a time, while traveling from one to another. If a group of tourist travel in the hill sides,
for example
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
access in another natural sites to know and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
these
'eye catching' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "eye-catching".
eye catching
beauties.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, all can be possible by using such mechanical mode.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer the traffic congestion in the street, which is worthwhile all walk of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the state.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of accident that interlink in the road.
23Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Governments should spend money on railway rather than roads. with the statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
441 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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