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Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational; otherwise they are complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational; otherwise they are complete waste of time. v. 1
Many individuals opine that children should be involved in learning activity in their free time at this time would be utilized to learn some skills, which helps them in later life and to achieve life goals. I strongly support this view as this will expand the mental and physical growth of the pupils. To begin with, one of the important reasons is that doing activity related to academic subjects in their spare time develops person analytic thinking. This type of skills will help in their routine life, even they also understand the value of time, so always utilizes their time in recreational activities. For example, the child playing counting game helps them to do simple maths calculation in fraction of seconds which helps in school also. Moreover, some of the games following stringent rules; as a result, the teenager must make some strategy and build decision power helps them in their future jobs and to choose their career after schooling. The other reason is that children will grow in the environment where observation would be done by some root member; they also teach them moral values and their belief. As a result, the child never tries to attempt some delinquency task which they try to do because of a peer pressure. For instance, research conducted shows children most affected by their friends and relatives so strict observation need to guide them, which things are right and wrong as they are not in state to differentiate this thing. Hence, a person can learn skills in early life which helps them in their entire life. To conclude, to provide right direction to the children is the duty of the parents, as they are responsible for the growth of the right person so doing an educational task enhance the same skills in the early part of their life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
individuals opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be involved
in learning activity in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
would
be utilized
to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them in later
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
goals. I
strongly
support this view as this will expand the mental and physical growth of the pupils.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons is that doing activity related to academic subjects in their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
develops person analytic thinking. This type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in their routine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, even they
also
understand the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
always utilizes their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in recreational activities.
For example
, the child playing counting game
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to do simple
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "maths'" or "math's"?
maths
calculation in fraction of seconds which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in school
also
.
Moreover
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
games following stringent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
;
as a result
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strategy and build decision power
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them in their future jobs and to choose their career after schooling.

The other reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will grow in the environment where observation would
be done
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
root member; they
also
teach them moral values and their belief.
As a result
, the child never tries to attempt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "delinquencies"?
delinquency
task which they try to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a peer pressure.
For instance
, research conducted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by their friends and relatives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
strict observation need to guide them, which things are right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
as they are not in state to differentiate this thing.
Hence
, a person can learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them in their entire life.

To conclude
, to provide right direction to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is the duty of the parents, as they are responsible for the growth of the right person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
doing an educational task enhance the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in the early part of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational; otherwise they are complete waste of time. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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