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During the last century, the use of cars has increased dramatically. This has caused problems such as pollution and overcrowded roads. Why do people buy cars and what can we do to stop people from buying them? v.3

During the last century, the use of cars has increased dramatically. This has caused problems such as pollution and overcrowded roads. Why do people buy cars and what can we do to stop people from buying them? v. 3
The percentages of people using cars have increased significantly compared to 100 years ago which has caused environmental and congestion problems. This is mainly because of the lack of public transportation modes in the city. There are several solutions need to be implemented for preventing more people to use cars. First of all, one of the main reasons of the overly used cars is due to the lack of facilities to transport. This situation triggers a lot of people to own a private vehicle, such as cars and bikes, because the need to travel from one place to another. For example, before train from Jakarta to Bandung was established, people would use a car to travel there. Consequently, traffic jam and bad air pollution cannot be avoided. That's why, governments need to improve public transportations, so the number of car usage will slowly but surely go down. Secondly, the government needs to create more and also maintain public transport facilities. Even though some big cities have already made several public transportation for people to use, but due to the lack of supervisions, people start to find it uncomfortable and inconvenient using those facilities. As a result, some citizens will once again using cars as their main accomodation. For instance, a dirty train with a lot of mice and insects will disgust a lot of people. Thus, not only constructing public transportation is important, but also the need of maintenance is crucial. In conclusion, the needs of people to travel have increased the number of cars on the streets. If the government plan to solve this problem, public transports have to be created and also maintained at the same time.
The percentages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
have increased
significantly
compared to 100 years ago which has caused environmental and congestion problems. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
modes in the city. There are several solutions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
be implemented
for preventing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
cars.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, one of the main reasons of the
overly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
is due to the lack of facilities to transport. This situation triggers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a private vehicle, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
and bikes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to travel from one place to another.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
train from Jakarta to Bandung
was established
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
to travel there.
Consequently
, traffic jam and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
air pollution cannot
be avoided
. That's why,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportations
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
usage will
slowly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
surely
go down.

Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to create more and
also
maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport facilities.
Even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities have already made several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due to the lack of supervisions,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to find it uncomfortable and inconvenient using those facilities.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
citizens will once again using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
as their main
Possible spelling mistake found.
accomodation
.
For instance
, a dirty train with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
mice and insects will disgust
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Thus
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
constructing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
of maintenance is crucial.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to travel have increased the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
on the streets. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
plan to solve this problem,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be created
and
also
maintained at the same time.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay During the last century, the use of cars has increased dramatically. This has caused problems such as pollution and overcrowded roads. Why do people buy cars and what can we do to stop people from buying them? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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