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More developing countries are given aid from international organisations to help them in their development plans. Some people argue that financial aid is important but other's argue that practical aid and advice are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

More developing countries are given aid from international organisations to help them in their development plans. Some people argue that financial aid is important but other's argue that practical aid and advice are more important. v. 1
To due to contemporary issues within developing countries, there are many aid have been given by international organisation in order to cope these country's problems. While the idea is widely accepted, there is a majority of people argue that it should be practical aids and advices instead of providing financial expenditure. Personally, I do not agree with this claim because of the need of both financial and practical aid to solve the problem of developing countries. On the one hand, to have a sustainable development, developing countries probably need a broader plan and genius advice to orient their way. It is clear that to solve the problem such as environmental pollution, those struggling countries need to have a clear pattern of what they should do to improve their citizens behaviours to the living environment which could be considered as the core reasons. In addition, to introduce the plan for restoration, there is also an urgent requirement the actual participation, volunteering for an instant, to ensure the success and reach the target aim. For example, many young nurses from the USA have been sent to Vietnam to provide professional training in many public hospitals to improve their recent services. On the other hand, while the importance of guiding is well considered, providing financial support should be taken into account. Firstly, most of the developing countries in recent years, have suffered the impact of financial burdens from international loans which is known as the most serious obstacle the slow down the whole country development. As a result, the thirst of international support is dramatically rising. Secondly, without any investment, it would be impossible to achieve the improvement in those countries. For example, if Australia did not invest money to build Can Tho Bridge to link the two sides of Mekong Rivers, it would be impossible for them to increase the economic activities in the Mekong Delta as well as the whole country. In conclusion, I strongly believe that developing communities do need comprehensive orientations from other successful nations which might require the participations of many authorities as equal as the financial support to restore national issues of these countries.
To due to contemporary issues within
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, there are
Possible agreement error. The noun aid seems to be countable; consider using: "many aids".
many aid
have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by international
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
in order to cope these country's problems. While the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is
widely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
, there is a majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that it should be practical aids and advices
instead
of providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
expenditure.
Personally
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this claim
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
and practical aid to solve the problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
countries.

On the one hand, to have a sustainable development,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
probably
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
a broader plan and genius advice to orient their way. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that to solve the problem such as environmental pollution, those struggling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
pattern of what they should do to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their citizens
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
to the living environment which could
be considered
as the core reasons.
In addition
, to introduce the plan for restoration, there is
also
an urgent requirement the actual participation, volunteering for an instant, to ensure the success and reach the target aim.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young nurses from the USA have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to Vietnam to provide professional training in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
public hospitals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their recent services.

On the other hand
, while the importance of guiding is well considered, providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
support should
be taken
into account.
Firstly
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in recent years, have suffered the impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
burdens from international loans which
is known
as the most serious obstacle the slow down the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
development.
As a result
, the thirst of international support is
dramatically
rising.
Secondly
, without any investment, it would be impossible to achieve the improvement in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
For example
, if Australia did not invest money to build Can Tho Bridge to link the two sides of Mekong Rivers, it would be impossible for them to increase the economic activities in the Mekong Delta
as well
as the whole country.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
communities do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
comprehensive orientations from other successful nations which might require the
Possible spelling mistake found.
participations
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
authorities as equal as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
support to restore national issues of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay More developing countries are given aid from international organisations to help them in their development plans. Some people argue that financial aid is important but other's argue that practical aid and advice are more important. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
357 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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