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Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. v.26

Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. v. 26
Children should spend quality time in extra curricular activities apart from the study. Some people think that leisure activities must include educational programs while some others including me, think that we do not require mixing up education with leisure activities. According to some people, if children have to learn faster and efficiently, they should include some educational programs as part of their extra activities. They think that by keeping them busy in such kind of activities we can help improving their skills and students become more active in their studies. As per my opinion, we should draw a line between the student's education and his extra activities. Both of them should not be mixed up. Students nowadays have lengthy course work to study entire year. They hardly manage time for their extra activities and so if we include educational activities as part of their leisure activities then they may feel bored. They also require changes in their routined-life and by providing some new creative tasks in their free time it is possible to make them refreshed and relaxed. I think that it also helps to improve their skills that actually require for their educational programs. Moreover, engaging children in activities like singing, dancing, painting etc. improves their thinking power and creativity. By participating in these types of activities, students can know their inner ability and strength. Also, some of the physical activities like sports and exercise keep them fit and healthy and help them to maintain their physical strength. One of the good examples I want to mention is the summer camp. In summer camps, mostly children explore different sports and creative activities that actually increase their self-confidence and keep them relaxed and cool. To draw the conclusion, we should not force children to engage in the leisure activities which we want them to do. Let them decide on their own which activities suit them most.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
should spend quality time in
This word is normally spelled as one.
extra curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
apart from the study.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
programs while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others including me,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that we do not require mixing up education with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
activities.

According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn faster and
efficiently
, they should include
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
programs as part of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that by keeping them busy in such kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to improve" or "improve".
improving
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and students become more active in their studies.

As per my opinion, we should draw a line between the student's education and his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Both of them should not
be mixed
up. Students nowadays have lengthy course work to study entire year. They hardly manage time for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if we include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
as part of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
then they may feel bored. They
also
require
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in their
Possible spelling mistake found.
routined-life
and by providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new creative tasks in their free time it is possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them refreshed and relaxed. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that actually require for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
programs.

Moreover
, engaging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like singing, dancing, painting etc.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their thinking power and creativity. By participating in these types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, students can know their inner ability and strength.
Also
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like sports and exercise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them fit and healthy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to maintain their physical strength. One of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
examples I want to mention is the summer camp. In summer camps,
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
explore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sports and creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that actually increase their self-confidence and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them relaxed and cool.

To draw the conclusion, we should not force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to engage in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which we want them to do.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
them decide on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
suit them most.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. v. 26

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
316 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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