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The mass media, including television, radio and newspapers, have great influence in shaping people's ideas. v.4

The mass media, including television, radio and newspapers, have great influence in shaping people's ideas. v. 4
The mass media have a powerful influence in shaping our lives. We have come to depend on them for information and entertainment, and in doing so we let them affect important aspects of our lives. The undeniable usefulness of the media in almost instantly providing information about events around the world is largely taken for granted. But in our dependence on the media, we have allowed them to mould our notions and opinions of events, places and people. Though few of us probably think about it, our conceptions of, say, our elected officials spring from television images and newspaper stories. Most of us will never meet prime ministers or presidents, but anyone who is regularly exposed to the media will have an opinion of them. When it is time to cast our vote, we will make our decision based on how the media portray the candidates. We are similarly swayed by coverage of wars. The media, representing the values of their owners, societies and governments, tend to report wars with a bias; which is the 'good' side and which the 'bad' is determined for us by reporters, editors and commentators, and sure enough the public begins to form opinions that reflect the coverage they see, hear and read in the major media. The media are also influential in the way they facilitate the spread of culture and lifestyle. The so-called 'global youth culture', in which one finds young people around the world displaying a common interest in music, clothing styles and films, is an example of the media's enormous sway in this regard. A popular figure such as Michael Jackson would never be so well known were it not for the media's extensive reach into every society on the globe. Thus I would argue that the mass media's influence is certainly great. Indeed, technological advancements, such as the Internet, is bringing more forms of electronic media to our homes and workplaces. It is likely that the media's influence will grow even stronger with the passage of time.
The mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
have a powerful influence in shaping our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. We have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to depend on them for information and entertainment, and in doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them affect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspects of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

The undeniable usefulness of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
in almost
instantly
providing information about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
around the world is
largely
taken for granted.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in our dependence on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
them to
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
our notions and opinions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, places and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Though few of us
probably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about it, our conceptions of, say, our elected officials spring from television images and newspaper stories. Most of us will never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
prime ministers or presidents,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
anyone who is
regularly
exposed to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
will have an opinion of them. When it is time to cast our vote, we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our decision based on how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
portray the candidates. We are
similarly
swayed by coverage of wars. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, representing the values of their owners, societies and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
, tend to report wars with a bias; which is the '
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
' side and which the '
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
'
is determined
for us by reporters, editors and commentators, and sure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
the public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
to form opinions that reflect the coverage they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, hear and read in the major media.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
are
also
influential in the way they facilitate the spread of culture and lifestyle.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-called 'global youth culture', in which one finds young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the world displaying a common interest in music, clothing styles and films, is an example of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media's
enormous sway in this regard. A popular figure such as Michael Jackson would never be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
well known were it not for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media's
extensive reach into every society on the globe.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
I would argue that the mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media's
influence is
certainly
great.
Indeed
, technological advancements, such as the Internet, is bringing more forms of electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
to our homes and workplaces. It is likely that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media's
influence will grow even stronger with the passage of time.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay The mass media, including television, radio and newspapers, have great influence in shaping people's ideas. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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