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The mass media, including television, radio and newspapers, have great influence in shaping people's ideas. v.5

The mass media, including television, radio and newspapers, have great influence in shaping people's ideas. v. 5
“People react according to the perspective they hold in any situation" is a well-known and accepted fact around the world. Of course, perspective is highly influenced by the information people receive through communication channels like TV, radio and newspapers. Hence, as expected, to control the burgeoning of people's thoughts, many countries have regulated the freedom of media. Firstly, nowadays, media plays a vital role in forming our perspectives towards our country's current politics, sports and other issues as it is an important part of our everyday life. Almost all of us use some sort of media to get updated about the world. In fact for many of us, a day starts with a newspaper. Since media persons are highly revered, accordingly, we truly trust the information we receive from media. For example: during the world war II, Hitler used the German media to spread false news about atrocities over German people living in other European countries to mentally prepare everyone in Germany to gear up for war. Secondly, media also shapes our minds to understand each other's cultural values and perspectives. Media brings us views of different people over the same issues and based on the circumstances we react, oppose and even embrace these different views. Also, media brings all of us at a single platform where we learn about multicultural aspects. So, the vital impact of media cannot be disregarded. For example, in a multi-cultural city like Toronto, media plays a prominent role in unifying people from different nations and pumps in nationality. In conclusion, I believe media is having a tremendous impact on people's mind and perspectives. Hence, it is equally important to ensure the freedom of media and publication of unbiased news.
“
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
react according to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perspective
they hold in any situation
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
is a well-known and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
fact around the world.
Of course
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perspective
is
highly
influenced by the information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
receive through communication channels like TV, radio and newspapers.
Hence
, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
, to control the burgeoning of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's thoughts,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries have regulated the freedom of media.

Firstly
, nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
plays a vital role in forming our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perspectives
towards our country's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
politics, sports and other issues as it is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of our everyday life. Almost all of us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
updated about the world. In fact for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of us, a day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
with a newspaper. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
persons are
highly
revered,
accordingly
, we
truly
trust the information we receive from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
For example
: during the
Capitalize specific historic events, episodes, and eras.
world war II
, Hitler
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the German
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
to spread false news about atrocities over German
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in other European countries to mentally prepare everyone in Germany to gear up for war.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
also
shapes our minds to understand each other's cultural values and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perspectives
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Media
brings us views of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
over the same issues and based on the circumstances we react, oppose and even embrace these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
brings all of us at a single platform where we learn about multicultural aspects.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the vital impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
cannot
be disregarded
.
For example
, in a multi-cultural city like Toronto,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
plays a prominent role in unifying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations and pumps in nationality.

In conclusion
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is having a tremendous impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's mind and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perspectives
.
Hence
, it is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to ensure the freedom of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and publication of unbiased news.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay The mass media, including television, radio and newspapers, have great influence in shaping people's ideas. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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