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Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? v.21

Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. v. 21
What activities, children do in their free time is essential for the development of their cognitive abilities. While some argue these should be completely educational, I believe, children should make their own choice. Firstly, if kids spend all their time on formal learning, their schedule will be monotonous. This will reduce creativity in them, hence restricting them to just a few professions. For instance, a child learning science everyday will never get an opportunity to try music or painting. Consequently, creative fields will suffer, and in future the number of people practicing these arts will be reduced. As a result, the world will be without such talents. Secondly, children need to be developed all-round. This is necessary for preparing them for their future ahead. Most companies nowadays are looking for an individual who is a jack of all traits. For example, big tech companies such as Facebook and Google does not have education as a job requirement, to get in you need technical as well as social skills. It is only possible if we let them play and be social in their leisure time. Furthermore, if a person does not learn these skills early on, they will lack in crucial abilities and hence, will be stuck in their career. To conclude, unless parents let their child choose, how they want to spend their day, they will not get to their full potential. As these skills are hard to learn later in life. Although musicians or painters do not contribute as much to society as a doctor or engineer, they still play a vital part and must be encouraged and appreciated.
What activities, children do in their free time is essential for the development of their cognitive abilities. While
some
argue these should be completely educational, I believe, children should
make
their
own
choice.

Firstly
, if kids spend all their time on formal learning, their schedule will be monotonous. This will
reduce
creativity in them,
hence
restricting them to
just
a few professions.
For instance
, a child learning science
everyday
will never
get
an opportunity to try music or painting.
Consequently
, creative fields will suffer, and in future the number of
people
practicing these arts will be
reduced
.
As a result
, the world will be without such talents.

Secondly
, children need to
be developed
all-round. This is necessary for preparing them for their future ahead. Most
companies
nowadays are looking for an individual who is a jack of all traits.
For example
,
big
tech
companies
such as Facebook and Google does not have education as a job requirement, to
get
in you need technical
as well
as social
skills
. It is
only
possible if we
let
them play and be social in their leisure time.
Furthermore
, if a person does not learn these
skills
early on, they will lack in crucial abilities and
hence
, will
be stuck
in their career.

To conclude
, unless parents
let
their child choose, how they want to spend their day, they will not
get
to their full potential.
As
these
skills
are
hard
to learn later in life. Although musicians or painters do not contribute as much to society as a doctor or engineer, they
still
play a vital part and
must
be encouraged
and appreciated.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. v. 21

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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