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Although some people value public parks, this space could be better used for other purposes such as residential areas for the ever- growing population or to develop business or boost economies. To what extent do you agree with this? v.1

Although some people value public parks, this space could be better used for other purposes such as residential areas for the ever- growing population or to develop business or boost economies. v. 1
It is argued by many people that instead of establishing public parks, these areas can be used for construction of residential buildings for the ever-increasing population or the operation of trade matters and the improvement of economies. While I agree that public parks provide people with relaxation and amusement, erection of housing estates can be a better alternative where people can enjoy parks as well as develop businesses. To begin, public parks can be considered a form of recreation for people at any age whilst they can be an essential source of oxygen. Today, most public parks serve various entertainment facilities for both children and adults which are highly appreciated by many people. Furthermore, due to the fast-growing industrialization a number of trees are cut down for commercial issues. From this perspective, the foundation of public parks which are full of various kinds of trees can mitigate some environmental problems such as air pollution by absorbing carbon dioxide in the air. On the other hand, a segment of people believes that because of the population growth people are in need of more spaces to live in. To address this issue, residential complexes can be constructed by business people who want to boost their business, besides, residents can take advantage of recreational amenities, particularly, parks inside of these housing estates. Moreover, these contemporary buildings are considerably larger in size, thus the lack of residential areas cannot be a problematic issue anymore. To conclude, it is undeniable that public parks provide people with a lot of recreational facilities. However, establishment of the housing estates may be a reasonable option which is beneficial to both residents and business people.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
instead
of establishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
, these areas can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for construction of residential buildings for the ever-increasing population or the operation of trade matters and the improvement of economies. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with relaxation and amusement, erection of housing estates can be a better alternative where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
as well
as develop businesses.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
can
be considered
a form of recreation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at any age whilst they can be an essential source of oxygen.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
serve various entertainment facilities for both children and adults which are
highly
appreciated by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Furthermore
, due to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-growing industrialization a number of trees are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down for commercial issues. From this perspective, the foundation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
which are full of various kinds of trees can mitigate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
environmental problems such as air pollution by absorbing carbon dioxide in the air.

On the other hand
, a segment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believes that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the population growth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in need of more spaces to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in. To address this issue, residential complexes can
be constructed
by business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who want to boost their business,
besides
, residents can take advantage of recreational amenities,
particularly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "inside".
inside of
these housing estates.
Moreover
, these contemporary buildings are
considerably
A more concise phrase may lose no meaning and sound more powerful.
larger in size
,
thus
the lack of residential areas cannot be a problematic issue anymore.

To conclude
, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
recreational facilities.
However
, establishment of the housing estates may be a reasonable option which is beneficial to both residents and business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Although some people value public parks, this space could be better used for other purposes such as residential areas for the ever- growing population or to develop business or boost economies. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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