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Some people believe that children should go to extra classes after school. Others, however, think that children should spend that time playing instead. Discuses both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people believe that children should go to extra classes after school. Others, however, think that children should spend that time playing instead. Discuses both views and give your own opinion. v. 2
It is commonly observed that the people who discontinue their studies in between are more successful in their lives in comparison with the people who complete their education. This is because, the practical knowledge is far more powerful than academic education. In my opinion, I believe hard work is a key to success. To begin with, the majority of people who drop out of school have a flourished career as compared to the university graduates, as evident in the past. The most suitable example is Mark Zukerburg, the CEO of Facebook, who left the Harvard University in the Second year, with having an idea in mind to create a social website, where people can communicate with each other. Such people choose to leave school in the middle because they have developed their practical knowledge to the highest level from the very young age, along with understanding the market trends. Thus, it is easy for them to get their dream job by showing their practical skills. Additionally, such people think that the education is not limited to the age factor and can be taken anytime, whereas the energy and enthusiasm required to achieve something different is only available at the early age. Thus, such people prefer leaving school and start focusing on their career. In my opinion, the hard work plays a significant role in an individual’s success. That is to say, success comes to those who never quit and continue working on developing their skills, until they achieve their dream. To exemplify, Mr beans, a famous comic actor, who struggled for 20 years to become an actor, always got rejected due to his looks. However, he continued his hard work and dedication, which eventually helped him to earn a fame at the end. Certainly, there is no shortcut to achieve dreams, one needs to devote the time and energy. To conclude, many people who drop out of the school and the university have established career due to their wide practical knowledge of the industry and market trends and I believe the most important factor to become a successful person is the hard work.
It is
commonly
observed that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
discontinue their studies in between are more successful in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in comparison
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
complete their education. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
knowledge is far more powerful than academic education. In my opinion, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is a key to success.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
drop out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
have a flourished career as compared to the university graduates, as evident in the past. The most suitable example is Mark
Possible spelling mistake found.
Zukerburg
, the CEO of Facebook,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
the Harvard University in the Second year, with having an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
in mind to create a social website, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can communicate with each other. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in the middle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have developed their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
knowledge to the highest level from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age, along with understanding the market trends.
Thus
, it is easy for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their dream job by showing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Additionally
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the education is not limited to the age factor and can
be taken
anytime, whereas the energy and enthusiasm required to achieve something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
available at the early age.
Thus
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer leaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
focusing on their career.

In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
plays a significant role in an individual’s success.
That is
to say, success
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
never quit and continue working on developing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, until they achieve their dream. To exemplify, Mr beans, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
comic actor,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
struggled for 20 years to become an actor, always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
rejected due to his looks.
However
, he continued his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and dedication, which
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
him to earn a fame at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.
Certainly
, there is no shortcut to achieve dreams, one needs to devote the time and energy.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
drop out of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and the university have established career due to their wide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
knowledge of the industry and market trends and I believe the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor to become a successful person is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children should go to extra classes after school. Others, however, think that children should spend that time playing instead. Discuses both views and give your own opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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