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TPO 21 independent agree or not for success in a future job the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school v.1

TPO 21 independent agree or not for success in a future job the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school v. 1
Some people believe that after children enter school, their academic and social growth are impacted by teachers rather parents. Personally, I disagree with the idea that teachers may have more impact on these students than their parents because I believe that both schools and families/ criteria should be given equal consideration. On the one hand, there are various reasons why I believe that teachers' role is important to the student's educational and social advancement. First of all, lecturers trained intensive courses in such areas as psychology or pedagogical skills so they might convey standard academic from books and institution curriculum to students professionally. In simple terms, children can understand the lessons easily, which increases children's development of intelligence. Another reason to take into account is that school creates a positive environment where teachers and students are given opportunities to interact and form their own social relationships. As a result, children are likely to get exposed to surroundings everyday to gain soft skills such as teamwork, collaboration or problem-solving skills. On the other hand, I would argue that the academic and social growth of any child can be affected by their parents. To begin with, parents understand their children more than other people, therefore, they can find out their children’s weaknesses and strengths as well as interests. The mounting evidence is that children may receive constant support from their parents to research on their favourite academic, which in terms enhance their intelligence and academic performance. Apart from it, parents are those who supply a child with first lessons through their communicating and interacting with their peers. This leads to the fact that not only social skills, but also the way children express themselves are often the results of observing and imitating how their parents interact with other people. In conclusion, while teachers certainly effect intellectual and social growth of children, I do not believe that parents outweighs teachers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
enter school, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
growth
are impacted
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
rather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Personally
, I disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
may have more impact on these students than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that both schools and families/ criteria should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
equal consideration.

On the one hand, there are various reasons why I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that teachers' role is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to the student's educational and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
advancement.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, lecturers trained intensive courses in such areas as psychology or pedagogical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they might convey standard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
from books and institution curriculum to students
professionally
. In simple terms,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can understand the lessons
easily
, which increases children's development of intelligence. Another reason to take into account is that school creates a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
environment where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and students are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
opportunities to interact and form their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
relationships.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
exposed to surroundings
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
to gain soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as teamwork, collaboration or problem-solving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

On the other hand
, I would argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
growth of any child can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
understand their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more than other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
therefore
, they can find out their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
weaknesses and strengths
as well
as interests. The mounting evidence is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may receive constant support from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to research on their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
, which in terms enhance their intelligence and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
performance. Apart from it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are those who supply a child with
first
lessons through their communicating and interacting with their peers. This leads to the fact that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
express themselves are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
the results of observing and imitating how their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
interact with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
certainly
effect intellectual and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, I do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
outweighs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 21 independent agree or not for success in a future job the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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