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Some people believe that children should do what their parents tell them to do; others think children must learn to think for themselves. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.3

Some people believe that children should do what their parents tell them to do; others think children must learn to think for themselves. v. 3
Some parents, especially those who are known as helicopter parents, believe that children should always follow their instructions. However, others have a contrasting view. In their opinion, children should be encouraged to think and act independently. I agree with the latter opinion. Parents who want to have strict control over their children believe that it is the best way of parenting. There are certainly some positive aspects to this style of parenting. To start with, children can benefit from the immense experience of their parents. Since parents know better than children, in most situations they will be able to make more informed decisions. However, there are also some downsides to this approach. For one thing, times have changed. The challenges that our kids face today are entirely different from what we faced when we were their age. As a result, the assumption that parents can always make the right decisions does not hold much water in the current scenario. By contrast, if children are encouraged to think independently, they develop confidence which will stand them in good stead when they grow up. For example, children with independent thinking skills would prefer to work out a solution rather than ask other people for help when they are confronted with a problem. On the other hand, children who are used to getting told what to do are reluctant to take initiatives and when they meet difficulties at work or life, their first reaction is to ask their parents for help. Obviously, it is not difficult to see which of these two types of kids will become successful later in life. In conclusion, compared to children who are always told what to do, children who think and act independently have better problem solving skills and confidence which will benefit them immensely when they face problems in life. Hence, I believe that children should be encourages to think for themselves.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
especially
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are known
as helicopter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should always follow their instructions.
However
, others have a contrasting view. In their opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be encouraged
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
and act
independently
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter opinion.

Parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
want to have strict control over their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
believe that it is the best way of parenting. There are
certainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects to this style of parenting. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can benefit from the immense experience of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
know better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, in most situations they will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more informed decisions.
However
, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
downsides to this approach. For one thing, times have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. The challenges that our kids face
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are
entirely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from what we faced when we were their age.
As a result
, the assumption that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the right decisions does not hold much water in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
scenario.

By contrast, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are encouraged
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
independently
, they develop confidence which will stand them in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
stead when they grow up.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with independent thinking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
would prefer to work out a solution
rather
than ask other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
when they
are confronted
with a problem.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
what to do are reluctant to take initiatives and when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
difficulties at work or life, their
first
reaction is to ask their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
Obviously
, it is not difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
which of these two types of kids will become successful later in life.

In conclusion
, compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
what to do,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
and act
independently
have better problem solving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and confidence which will benefit them
immensely
when they face problems in life.
Hence
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
Consider using the past participle "encouraged"?
encourages
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
for themselves.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people believe that children should do what their parents tell them to do; others think children must learn to think for themselves. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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