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Some people believe that children should be given lessons on how to manage money in the school. Do you agree or disagree? v.5

Some people believe that children should be given lessons on how to manage money in the school. v. 5
Nowadays, so many adolescents feel that the financial support from their parents is never enough no matter how much money they get. This phenomenon is also happening to workers who always complain that their salary is not enough to pay the bills. Hence, some people believe that money management should be included in the school subject from the early age. In this essay, I shall give my opinion to support this statement. To begin with, financial dissatisfaction is really common to happen and society disregard to stop this to keep happening. For example, some adolescents also think that their parents are not supportive enough financially while some workers always complain that their salary is never enough either. If we dig deeply to find the root cause of this phenomenon, we can find that only a few people have a sufficient knowledge regarding money management which includes money allocation, investing, and balance spending. Second, not so many people realise that money management is essential knowledge. People procrastinate to learn about it, they only focus on how to earn money without learning about how to manage it. Hence, I believe the money management itself should be taught at school to force people to learn about it from the early age. For example, money management can be listed as a mandatory subject in primary school. With the proper knowledge, students can be given some group projects related to financial decision. This project can help them with not only money management, but also team work. To conclude, I believe financial knowledge and money management should be taught at school as mandatory subjects. In the end, if citizens have sufficient knowledge regarding financial decisions, the social welfare will automatically level up.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adolescents feel that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
support from their parents is never
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
no matter how much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
. This phenomenon is
also
happening to workers who always complain that their salary is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
to pay the bills.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
should
be included
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
subject from the early age. In this essay, I shall give my opinion to support this statement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
dissatisfaction is
really
common to happen and society disregard to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
this to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
happening.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adolescents
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that their parents are not supportive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
financially
while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
workers always complain that their salary is never
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
either. If we dig
deeply
to find the root cause of this phenomenon, we can find that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
which includes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
allocation, investing, and balance spending.

Second, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
is essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
procrastinate to learn about it, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on how to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
without learning about how to manage it.
Hence
, I believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
itself should
be taught
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to learn about it from the early age.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
can
be listed
as a mandatory subject in primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. With the proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
, students can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
group projects related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
decision. This project can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them with not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
team work.

To conclude
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
should
be taught
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
as mandatory subjects. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, if citizens have sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
decisions, the social welfare will
automatically
level up.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children should be given lessons on how to manage money in the school. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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