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Some people believe that children should be given lessons on how to manage money in the school. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people believe that children should be given lessons on how to manage money in the school. v. 2
Money is required for the survival of an individual and therefore, it becomes important to use it wisely. There are some people who believe that children should be taught how to manage money in their school as learning institutions are responsible for overall development of a child. However, others are of the opinion that families are responsible for giving the child this life skill. I think that both, school and people who are close to children should work hand in hand to assist the child in understanding the importance of money. To begin with, let us consider the reasons why schools should give lessons on managing money. Firstly, schools are responsible for holistic development of child and therefore, anything related to an individual survival should be given to children in their early years. To illustrate, as lessons on extra-curricular activities such as dance and sports are organized by schools, money saving techniques can also be given by them. In addition, schools these days offer a practical approach to their students and this is the reason why the children not only understand the concepts better but also retain them for long. It is also proven that young kids learn quickly when they are interacting with kids of their own age. Hence, some see this as a responsibility of schools to make children understand the importance of money. In contrast, some individuals are of the view that this is the whole and sole responsibility of families to train kids to know the importance of money. The reason being that they are connected with families for most of the times during the day. Apart from this, they view schools as the place where only theoretical education is provided and anything except subjective knowledge should not be their focus. For instance, a study conducted by New York University states that 32% of the learning institutions in the world still concentrate only on traditional knowledge and not on practical ones. All in all, I completely agree that schools should make an effort to impart to the kids the lessons on how to make good use of money. Also, those lessons should be reinforced at home by near and dear ones.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is required
for the survival of an individual and
therefore
, it becomes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
wisely
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be taught
how to manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
as learning institutions are responsible for
overall
development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
However
, others are of the opinion that families are responsible for giving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
this life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that both,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are close to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should work hand in hand to assist the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
in understanding the importance of money.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us consider the reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
on managing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are responsible for holistic development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
and
therefore
, anything related to an individual survival should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their early years. To illustrate, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
on extra-curricular activities such as dance and sports
are organized
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
saving techniques can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by them.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
these days offer a practical approach to their students and this is the reason why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
understand the concepts better
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
retain them for long. It is
also
proven that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
learn
quickly
when they are interacting with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
age.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
this as a responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
understand the importance of money.

In contrast
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals are of the view that this is the whole and sole responsibility of families to train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to know the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. The reason being that they
are connected
with families for
Consider using "most of the time" if you mean "usually" or "very often".
most of the times
during the day. Apart from this, they view
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
as the place where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
theoretical education
is provided
and anything except subjective knowledge should not be their focus.
For instance
, a study conducted by New York University states that 32% of the learning institutions in the world
still
concentrate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on traditional knowledge and not on practical ones.

All in all, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an effort to impart to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
on how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Also
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
should
be reinforced
at home by near and dear ones.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children should be given lessons on how to manage money in the school. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
365 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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