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Some people believe that children should be brought up in cities, others believe that the countryside offers a better environment for children. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that children should be brought up in cities, others believe that the countryside offers a better environment for children. v. 1
Whether or not to raise our youngsters in the cities has become a controversial issue. While it is considered by many that they should be raised in the urban region, others are of the opinion that the countryside is a better place since it offers them a healthy atmosphere to live in. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument in depth. I, however, believe that it should be the onus on parents to provide their children appropriate environment to survive and thrive as well. To begin with, a vast majority of people claim that cities are definitely a right place for the growth of the young one. This is due to the fact that urban areas are largely developed, and the little one will get ample opportunities to broaden their horizons. Since individuals from different sections of the society live together in a locality, which in turn, helps to inculcate moral and cultural values among the youngsters. For instance, children who live in the developed localities get amenities related to the education and chances to thrive in sports activities. In short, this section of the community expresses a strong statement to prove their perspective. On the other hand, another section of the communal world believes that our younger generation will grow better in the rural areas despite the lack of facilities. They might think so because in these regions, they will be able to breathe in the fresh air, which is free from pollutants, and furthermore, the atmosphere is quite peaceful that is independent of the hustle and bustle of the cities. To cite an example, if an individual lives in the rural regions, then the growth and health of that person are far better than those living in the metropolitan cities. This way the advocates of this view represents a strong belief of letting the children develop in the calm and clean surroundings. To conclude, some people think that residing in the urban areas is beneficial for the little ones, whereas there are some who are in favour of raising them in the rural ones. But I personally opine that this decision should be left to the parents.
Consider shortening this phrase to just "Whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
Whether or not
to raise our youngsters in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
has become a controversial issue. While it
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that they should
be raised
in the urban region, others are of the opinion that the countryside is a better place since it offers them a healthy atmosphere to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument in depth. I,
however
, believe that it should be the onus on parents to provide their children appropriate environment to survive and thrive
as well
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, a vast majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are definitely a right place for the growth of the young one.
This is due to the fact that
urban areas are
largely
developed, and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
one will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ample opportunities to broaden their horizons. Since individuals from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sections of the society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
together in a locality, which in turn,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to inculcate moral and cultural values among the youngsters.
For instance
, children who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in the developed localities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
amenities related to the education and chances to thrive in sports activities. In short, this section of the community expresses a strong statement to prove their perspective.

On the other hand
, another section of the communal world believes that our younger generation will grow better in the rural areas despite the lack of facilities. They might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in these regions, they will be able to breathe in the fresh air, which is free from pollutants, and
furthermore
, the atmosphere is quite peaceful
that is
independent of the hustle and bustle of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. To cite an example, if an individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in the rural regions, then the growth and health of that person are far better than those living in the metropolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. This way the advocates of this view represents a strong belief of letting the children develop in the calm and clean surroundings.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that residing in the urban areas is beneficial for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
, whereas there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
who are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of raising them in the rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
personally
opine that this decision should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to the parents.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children should be brought up in cities, others believe that the countryside offers a better environment for children. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
9.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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