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Which of the following companies you would like to work for? A company that offers you a job with very interesting and challenging projects but few vacations. or a company that offers you boring work but long vacations. Use specific details and examples to v.1

Which of the following companies you would like to work for? A company that offers you a job with very interesting and challenging projects but few vacations. or a company that offers you boring work but long vacations. Use specific details and examples to v. 1
It is common to see that many commercials of products using in sports are advertised by sports stars. In my opinion, I believe this tendency is more beneficial than having tremendous effects on society. On the one hand, it is undeniable the advantages that the trend of sports-related advertisements brings to the society. One firstly obvious benefit is that commercials are tools to boost the development of companies. Through using famous sports players to advertise products, companies can expand the brand imagines, therefore people will be aware of some products that they are introducing. By this way, companies could gain profits because of the enormous number of sports fans who are potential customers. As a consequence, advertising could be a good way to create more jobs for people. In addition, if well-know sports players advertise products that are good for people's health, this could be a way to encourage people especially children having a healthy lifestyle in the contemporary society. On the other hand, it is not to be ignored by the disadvantage that advertisements could bring. Advertisements could be wrong, and they could mislead people. For example, it is often to see that sports players use energy drinks to increase the energy and do not feel tired. Unfortunately, these drinks are sugar-based drinks that could affect badly to human health, and therefore lead to physical diseases such as obesity. Moreover, through advertisements, young people who are big fans of famous players would most likely buy the products and this could increase the consumerism and throw-away culture. Perhaps, they could put a strain on their own budget or their parents' money. In conclusion, it seems that by using well-know sports players to advertise the products that related to sports, could have positive effects on society, and these affects could dominant the disadvantages, however, we should also consider the problems.
It is common to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
commercials of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
using in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are advertised
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
stars. In my opinion, I believe this tendency is more beneficial than having tremendous effects on society.

On the one hand, it is undeniable the advantages that the trend of sports-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
brings to the society. One
firstly
obvious benefit is that commercials are tools to boost the development of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. Through using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
to advertise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can expand the brand imagines,
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be aware of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that they are introducing. By this way,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
could gain profits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the enormous number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
fans who are potential customers. As a consequence, advertising could be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to create more jobs for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In addition
, if well-know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
advertise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health, this could be a way to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
especially
children having a healthy lifestyle in the contemporary society.

On the other hand
, it is not to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
by the disadvantage that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
could bring.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advertisements
could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, and they could mislead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
energy drinks to increase the energy and do not feel tired. Unfortunately, these drinks are sugar-based drinks that could affect
badly
to human health, and
therefore
lead to physical diseases such as obesity.
Moreover
, through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
fans of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
would most likely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and this could increase the consumerism and throw-away culture. Perhaps, they could put a strain on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
budget or their parents' money.

In conclusion
, it seems that by using well-know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
to advertise the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, could have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on society, and these affects could dominant the disadvantages,
however
, we should
also
consider the problems.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Which of the following companies you would like to work for? A company that offers you a job with very interesting and challenging projects but few vacations. or a company that offers you boring work but long vacations. Use specific details and examples to v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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