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Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. what do you think are the advantages of attending school at a young age? v.10

Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. what do you think are the advantages of attending school at a young age? v. 10
Some school of thought asserts that children should be permitted to spend their all time with their parents and play different games with them at home unless they reach at the age of 6 or 7. While, others claim that it is better for a child to admit in a preschool as early as feasible. I agree with the latter statement, but each coin has two flips same in that case. On the one hand, people deem that at the young age, children entail their guardians. This is mandatory for their proper development, which takes time, and learn basic lessons from their parents. For instance, according to a recent study, revealed that the delaying of school was better for students. Scientists conducted an experiment in which the pupils, who had admitted at the age of 10, besides 6 performed well in the case of judgement and attention. On the other hand, some humans believe that it is beneficial for a child to go to school in their childhood. They enhance their confidence level and also teach them, how to do a corporate work. To put it another way, they have a great impact on their social life. For example, a research based on the USA health department, children who attend schools earlier, It has a positive influenced on their cognitive skills. Furthermore, researchers found that young learners have moved toward a healthy body mass index and it has controlled obesity levels. To conclude, early education has both pros and cons depending on the scenario, but I think that it has more benefits because most of the humans have expanded their vocabulary at that time which place an indispensable role in their academic career.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
asserts that children should
be permitted
to spend their
It appears that a hyphen is missing in the adjective "all-time"
all time
with their parents and play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
games with them at home unless they reach at the age of 6 or 7. While, others claim that it is better for a child to admit in a preschool as early as feasible. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter statement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
each coin has two flips same
in that case
.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
deem that at the young age, children entail their guardians. This is mandatory for their proper development, which takes time, and learn basic lessons from their parents.
For instance
, according to a recent study, revealed that the delaying of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
was better for students. Scientists conducted an experiment in which the pupils, who had admitted at the age of 10,
besides
6 performed well in the case of judgement and attention.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
humans believe that it is beneficial for a child to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in their childhood. They enhance their confidence level and
also
teach them, how to do a corporate work. To put it another way, they have a great impact on their social life.
For example
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
based on the USA health department, children who attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
earlier, It has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influenced on their cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Furthermore
, researchers found that young learners have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
toward a healthy body mass index and it has controlled obesity levels.

To conclude
, early education has both pros and cons depending on the scenario,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it has more benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the humans have expanded their vocabulary at that time which place an indispensable role in their academic career.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. what do you think are the advantages of attending school at a young age? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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