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Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.4

Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. v. 4
Children are born proactive in the present generation, hence every parent is quite enthusiastic to make their child grow faster. It is the responsibility of the parents to send their children to school at the right age. It can be believed that sending children to school is more comfortable rather than keeping them at home. In my opinion, a child definitely gains something more if he is sent to school at a very young age. Globally speaking, nowadays we have extraordinary school teachings like e-techno. If we consider this as an instance children gain much knowledge visually than the technical way of implementation. Even a child with an average IQ can also understand what is happening around him. Moreover, education is a part of life which does not have an end. So, every parent thinks to send their children at a particular age. Some people think that children should stay with the parent until they are at least six or seven years old because children feel forcible and uncomfortable at a very young age without them. But, the education system is changing more rapidly, the way of thinking and behaviour of the parents has to change according to the system. Furthermore, completion of studies may make the student get into corporate companies and mould to the outside world at a very young age. To summarise, I personally believe that children should be sent to school at a young age since, in today’s world, competition plays an important role. Everything goes on ‘First Come First Serve’ basis it also depends on the mental and physical ability of the children to send to school. Since not everyone is a child prodigy their capabilities are to be considered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are born
proactive in the present generation,
hence
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
is quite enthusiastic to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
grow faster. It is the responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at the right age. It can
be believed
that sending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is more comfortable
rather
than keeping them at home. In my opinion, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
definitely gains something more if he is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age.

Globally speaking, nowadays we have extraordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
teachings like e-techno. If we consider this as an instance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
gain much knowledge
Use "(visually)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
visually
than the technical way of implementation. Even a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
with an average IQ can
also
understand what is happening around him.
Moreover
, education is a part of life which does not have an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at a particular age.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should stay with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
until they are at least six or seven years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
feel forcible and uncomfortable at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age without them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, the education system is changing more
rapidly
, the way of thinking and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
according to the system.
Furthermore
, completion of studies may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into corporate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
to the outside world at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age since, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world, competition plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role. Everything goes on ‘
First
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Come
First
Did you mean "served" (as in the idiom 'first come, first served')?
Serve
’ basis it
also
depends on the mental and physical ability of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
not everyone is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
prodigy their capabilities are to be
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
considered
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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