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A government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety. Therefore, some people think that the government should increase spending on defense but spend less on social benefits. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

A government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety. Therefore, some people think that the government should increase spending on defense but spend less on social benefits. v. 2
The primary role of the state is to protect its citizens from different types of threat. Therefore, some people argue that the government should direct much of its financial resources to the defense sector and cut down the spending on social welfare. I do not agree with this view. In my opinion, a country has to spend on both social welfare and defense. There is no denying the fact that a powerful military can ensure the safety of the citizens and maintain peace in a country. A strong military deters aggressive neighbours or terrorists from attacking a country and thereby prevents the loss of innocent lives and property. Moreover, in some countries, military can help with law enforcement and promote political stability by maintaining the sovereignty of the government. Therefore, it is crucial for a government to allocate a sufficient amount of funding to the defense sector. However, the spending on military cannot be at the expense of social spending because the social welfare is as critical as military might for a country to thrive. The government is responsible to ensure that all the people can satisfy their basic human needs such as food, shelter and health care. By providing welfare for the neediest members of the society through various schemes, the state can improve their living standards and make its people happy and contented. If there were no social benefit programs such as retirement schemes, disability benefits or subsidized housing, the vulnerable sections of the society would suffer. This can lead to resentment among the disadvantaged sections of the society and social uprising against the authorities. Moreover, citizens are entitled to receive benefits because they pay taxes to the government. In conclusion, the state should give as much importance to the welfare of the citizens as to their safety and it will do more harm than good if it reduces the spending on social welfare for increasing military expenditure.
The primary role of the state is to protect its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of threat.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should direct much of its financial resources to the defense sector and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
welfare
. I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view. In my opinion, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
spend on both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
welfare
and defense.

There is no denying the fact that a powerful military can ensure the safety of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
and maintain peace in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. A strong military deters aggressive
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
or terrorists from attacking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and thereby
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
the loss of innocent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and property.
Moreover
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, military can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with law enforcement and promote political stability by maintaining the sovereignty of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
Therefore
, it is crucial for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to allocate a sufficient amount of funding to the defense sector.

However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on military cannot be at the expense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
welfare
is as critical as military might for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to thrive. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is responsible to ensure that all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can satisfy their basic human needs such as food, shelter and health care. By providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
welfare
for the neediest members of the society through various schemes, the state can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their living standards and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
happy and contented. If there were no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
benefit programs such as retirement schemes, disability benefits or subsidized housing, the vulnerable sections of the society would suffer. This can lead to resentment among the disadvantaged sections of the society and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
uprising against the authorities.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
are entitled
to receive benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they pay taxes to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

In conclusion
, the state should give as much importance to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
welfare
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
as to their safety and it will do more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
if it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
welfare
for increasing military expenditure.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay A government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety. Therefore, some people think that the government should increase spending on defense but spend less on social benefits. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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