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An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situation? v.4

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situation? v. 4
More and more professionals from underdeveloped and developing countries are leaving their home to settle down in richer countries. As a result, the poorer counties are moving towards more struggling phase, but this can be controlled by offering extra benefits The major problem in the developing counties with the professionals are the working environment which is not satisfactory. They have limited resources to work and utilize their skills. Therefore, the educated people intend to move in developed countries where they have more benefits with excellent remuneration packages. Likewise, less developed countries will not offer any high quality education and medical facilities. Another problem is the law and order situation of developing countries as we have observed many cases where the culprits are easily escaped if they commit any crime One of the main solution to tackle this kind of situation is to provide a good working environment with special benefits to stop the working professionals to moving abroad. More and more job opportunities should be provided by the state government with attractive salaries will definitely give a second doubt for the professionals before leaving his home country. These solutions are demanding and therefore poorer countries have to deal with richer countries to get the financial aid. In conclusion, poorer countries are unable to provide the quality of life for the professionals which makes them to moves towards developing countries. However, if the right measures will take by the government that will help to mitigate this kind of problem, and the professionals will remain in their origin country.
More and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
from underdeveloped and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are leaving their home to settle down in richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
As a result
, the poorer counties are moving towards more struggling phase,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this can
be controlled
by offering extra
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
benefits


The major problem in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
counties with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
are the working environment which is not satisfactory. They have limited resources to work and utilize their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Therefore
, the educated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
intend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
where they have more benefits with excellent remuneration packages.
Likewise
, less developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will not offer any high quality education and medical facilities. Another problem is the law and order situation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
as we have observed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases where the culprits are
easily
escaped if they commit any crime

One of the main solution to tackle this kind of situation is to provide a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
working environment with special benefits to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
to moving abroad. More and more job opportunities should
be provided
by the state
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
with attractive salaries will definitely give a second
The usual collocation for "doubt" is "in" or "about" not "the". Did you mean "doubt in" or "doubt about"?
doubt for
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
leaving his home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. These solutions are demanding and
therefore
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the financial aid.

In conclusion
, poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are unable to provide the quality of life for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
However
, if the right measures will take by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to mitigate this kind of problem, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
will remain in their origin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situation? v. 4

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
257 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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