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Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age? v.12

Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age? v. 12
When it comes to school age, there are some people who believe that it is better manner for the young children to stay home until their six or seven. On the contrary, in others opinion, the more school age would be earlier, the more benefits children would achieve. In today`s lifestyle, it seems that the second group follow the appropriate strategy because of some considerable merits as bellow. According to the fast-changing world where we are living in, shaping accurate communications for children plays a vital role in their future life. Starting to go to school in earlier age could contribute to benefit from the high potential of this period of life. Thanks to the fact that today, children`s abilities in many fields are gradually increasing, due to the widespread improvement in life conditions ranging from nutrition and health to education methods, they acquire suitable abilities from earlier ages, in comparison with the past. Therefore, the parents being aware of this could lead their children to faster progresses. As one other advantage of decreasing school age, it could be mentioned that the average age of the academic social would decrease. As a result, the young would achieve more opportunities to make beneficial experiences for their career life. In conclusion, it seems that nowadays, the school age has decreased and this change generally has resulted in improvement in the young`s relations abilities, their faster progress in knowledge and making more successful future in the field of work.
When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who believe that it is better manner for the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to stay home until their six or seven.
On the contrary
, in others opinion, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
would be earlier, the more benefits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would achieve. In
The character between 'today' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "today’s" (curly apostrophe) or "today's" (straight apostrophe).
today`s
lifestyle, it seems that the second group follow the appropriate strategy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
considerable merits as bellow.

According to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-changing world where we are living in, shaping accurate communications for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
plays a vital role in their future life. Starting to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
could contribute to benefit from the high potential of this period of life.

Thanks to the fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
The character between 'children' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "children’s" (curly apostrophe) or "children's" (straight apostrophe).
children`s
abilities in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields are
gradually
increasing, due to the widespread improvement in life conditions ranging from nutrition and health to education methods, they acquire suitable abilities from earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
,
in comparison
with the past.
Therefore
, the parents being aware of this could lead their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to faster progresses.

As one other advantage of decreasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, it could
be mentioned
that the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of the academic social would decrease.
As a result
, the young would achieve more opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
beneficial experiences for their career life.

In conclusion
, it seems that nowadays, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
has decreased and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
generally
has resulted in improvement in the
The character between 'young' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "young’s" (curly apostrophe) or "young's" (straight apostrophe).
young`s
relations abilities, their faster progress in knowledge and making more successful future in the field of work.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age? v. 12

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
246 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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