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Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age? v.13

Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age? v. 13
There has always been a considerable debate over the topic whether children should enlist to the school as young as possible or they should spend their time at home playing games until they become seven years old. The main reason why many people favour the opinion that children should spend their time at home until they are seven is that they think younger ages are really important for the brain development and they are afraid of the misguidance possibility of their children. But, unfortunately, this action increases the tendency of becoming an introvert human being later in life. For instance, the childhood spent without friends could create more computer-based lifestyle when the person gets old. On the other hand, a generation that spends their childhood in school most likely will gather more information about their peers. Also, children will have a lot of chance to learn about interaction with other children and this will help them to have priceless memories with their friends. Furthermore, they will get a chance to have been taught limitless education materials or experiences by their teachers who are already aware of how to teach even the most problematic children. In addition, they will learn about cultural and historical information by visiting museums and festivals. Moreover, they don't have to spend their life in front of a computer when they get older because of their already improved communication skills. To summarise all my points that I explained so far, I believe that the benefits of sending children to school as soon as possible undoubtedly overweight the disadvantages which are nearly disregardable.
There has always been a considerable debate over the topic whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should enlist to the school as young as
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
possible or
they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their time at home playing games until they become seven years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.

The main reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their time at home until they are seven is that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
younger ages are
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the brain
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
development and
they are afraid of the misguidance possibility of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, unfortunately, this action increases the tendency of becoming an introvert human being later in life.
For instance
, the childhood spent without friends could create more computer-based lifestyle when the person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.

On the other hand
, a generation that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spends
their childhood in school most likely will gather more information about their peers.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
chance to learn about interaction with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to have priceless memories with their friends.
Furthermore
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to have
been taught
limitless education materials or experiences by their teachers who are already aware of how to teach even the most problematic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
In addition
, they will learn about cultural and historical information by visiting museums and festivals.
Moreover
, they don't
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their life in front of a computer when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
older
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their already
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
all my points that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far, I believe that the benefits of sending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to school as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible
undoubtedly
overweight the disadvantages which are
nearly
Possible spelling mistake found.
disregardable
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age? v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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