Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age? v.16

Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age? v. 16
People have different opinions with regard to the question of ‘what is the right age for the children to start school? ’ Although I accept that the younger generations should be permitted to stay at home and play till they reach a certain age, I also agree that it is much needed for them to start formal education soon. I would say that six or seven years would be a bit late to start school while 4-5 years would be the ideal time to do so. On the one hand, allowing children to be at home and play till they attain an age of six or seven has several benefits. Firstly, stress and strain needed to learn academic subjects would be avoided. Childhood days are meant to be enjoyed and there is no harm in letting them enjoy their freedom of life. Secondly, parental care is required until a certain age. For example, personal hygienic habit would be followed perfectly by a child if it is learnt from their parents. Finally, it is obvious that a child gets little mature comparatively, so it would be much easier for teachers to handle the students at an educational institution. Therefore efficient teaching and grasping would be the start of education for every child. On the other hand, an early education is the need of the hour to face the competitive world. Since the parents want their kids to be successful; they aim to give an excellent educational background to them. Instead of learning the basics at the age of six or seven, they want their children to be updated. That is the reason why so many play schools have been established these days. There are even several extra classes being conducted for cognitive development like mid-brain activation classes which mainly focuses on the age group below six. On the whole, making the younger minds to learn at this age, their mothers and fathers ensure that their child's time is well spent for the personal development which would help them to face the future life confidently. Finally, while I agree that freedom should be given to every child to cherish the childhood days, I believe that is more crucial to get them educated soon to secure their future.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions with regard to the question of ‘what is the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for the children to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
school? ’ Although I accept that the younger generations should
be permitted
to stay at home and play till they reach a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
much needed
for them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
formal education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
. I would say that six or seven years would be a bit late to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
school while 4-5 years would be the ideal time to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

On the one hand, allowing children to be at home and play till they attain an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of six or seven has several benefits.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and strain needed to learn academic subjects would
be avoided
. Childhood days
are meant
to
be enjoyed
and there is no harm in letting them enjoy their freedom of life.
Secondly
, parental care
is required
until a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
For example
, personal hygienic habit would
be followed
perfectly
by a child if it is
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
from their parents.
Finally
, it is obvious that a child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
mature
comparatively
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it would be much easier for teachers to handle the students at an educational institution.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
efficient teaching and grasping would be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
of education for every child.

On the other hand
, an early education is the need of the hour to face the competitive world. Since the parents want their kids to be successful; they aim to give an excellent educational background to them.
Instead
of learning the basics at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of six or seven, they want their children to
be updated
.
That is
the reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
play schools have
been established
these days. There are even several extra classes
being conducted
for cognitive development like mid-brain activation classes which
mainly
focuses on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group below six.
On the whole
, making the younger
The verb 'minds' is used with the gerund form: "minds learning".
minds to learn
at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, their mothers and fathers ensure that their child's time is well spent for the personal development which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to face the future life
confidently
.

Finally
, while I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that freedom should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to every child to cherish the childhood days, I believe
that is
more crucial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them educated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
to secure their future.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age? v. 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
375 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts