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Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age? v.14

Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age? v. 14
There has always been a considerable debate over the topic whether children should go to school after four or they should stay at home until they are seven. While there are some merits in both arguments, my personal view is that parents should not hassle about sending their kids to school. People who support the school at young age base their arguments on the improvement rate of the brain during language acquisition. Research shows that the speed of connections made between neurones is faster during the first five years. This fact can also be interpreted as children are quick learner between age 0 to 5. Therefore, relatively hard lessons such as maths and physics can easily be acquired by kids when their learning capabilities at zenith. The second argument would be that kids tend to be more social when they are mingled with their peers at a younger age. More they stay beside their families, more they are accustomed to take rather than to give. However, we learn to be collaborative at school. Thus, sooner kids are sent to school, less the selfishness become entrenched. People who are opposed to this view, including me, feel that we live most of our lives as adults with a plethora of responsibilities and the childhood is already a short span to enjoy sufficiently. Why shorten it even more? The age seven is young enough to be inundated with lessons and to be given responsibilities in the form of homework. In conclusion, although I believe that both sides have strong arguments, my personal view is that children should not be sent to school until seven because childhood is already a short period of life and should be spent without responsibilities and abundant fun.
There has always been a considerable debate over the topic whether children should go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
after
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
four or
they should stay at home until they are seven. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arguments
, my personal view is that parents should not hassle about sending their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to school.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
base their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arguments
on the improvement rate of the brain during language acquisition. Research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the speed of connections made between
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "neurons", the plural form of the noun 'neuron'?
neurones
is faster during the
first
five years. This fact can
also
be interpreted
as children are quick learner between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
0 to 5.
Therefore
,
relatively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
lessons such as
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
and physics can
easily
be acquired
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
when their learning capabilities at zenith. The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
would be that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
tend to be more social when they
are mingled
with their peers at a younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. More they stay beside their families, more they are
The verb 'are' is used with the gerund form: "accustomed to taking".
accustomed to take
rather
than to give.
However
, we learn to be collaborative at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Thus
, sooner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, less the selfishness become entrenched.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who
are opposed
to this view, including me, feel that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
most of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
as adults with a plethora of responsibilities and the childhood is already a short span to enjoy
sufficiently
. Why shorten it even more? The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
seven is young
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
be inundated
with lessons and to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
responsibilities in the form of homework.

In conclusion
, although I believe that both sides have strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arguments
, my personal view is that children should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
until seven
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
childhood is already a short period of life and should
be spent
without responsibilities and abundant fun.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age? v. 14

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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