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Some of the methods used in advertising are unethical and unacceptable in today's society. To what extent do you agree with this? v.22

Some of the methods used in advertising are unethical and unacceptable in today's society. v. 22
Nowadays, advertising has become common as more companies enter the market. Some believe that some of the choices used in advertising are incorrect and disagreed in modern society. I completely agree with this for a number of reasons and this essay will explain why. Many advertisements require your personal info in order to know more about their client's interests. One of the reasons is stealing personal information. That means, some obtains it without the client knowing and sell it to other companies. For instance, you suddenly receive many other advertisements that you may be interested in. However, you never ask to receive any of it as well as offer any data. Causing users being at risk and exposing them, which harm them in their daily life. While this is effective for advertising, this is erroneous and may harm many people. Advertisements are a way for free applications to earn money. Another reason is annoyance. How would this annoy people? In other words, they often advertise in their applications and offer users paying to remove. For example, while you use the applications it frequently pops up advertisements and offers good deals to pay to remove them. Consequently, annoy the users to the point of making it unusable, thus leading them to purchase it to disable it. As a result, Making the free application not functional, requiring fees to use it. To conclude, some advertising steals personal information and cause annoyance to people. Therefore, these are the reason why I completely agree. It is wrong, harmful, and annoying, which leads to forcing clients to buy their products.
Nowadays, advertising has become common as more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
enter the market.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
choices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in advertising are incorrect and disagreed in modern society. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this for a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
and this essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
advertisements require your personal info in order to know more about their client's interests. One of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
is stealing personal information. That means,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obtains it without the client knowing and sell it to other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
For instance
, you
suddenly
receive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other advertisements that you may
be interested
in.
However
, you never ask to receive any of it
as well
as offer any data. Causing users being at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and exposing them, which harm them in their daily life. While this is effective for advertising, this is erroneous and may harm
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Advertisements are a way for free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
to earn money. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is annoyance. How would this annoy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
?
In other words
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
advertise in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
and offer users paying to remove.
For example
, while you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
it
frequently
pops up advertisements and offers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
deals to pay to remove them.
Consequently
, annoy the users to the point of making it unusable,
thus
leading them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
it to disable it.
As a result
, Making the free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
application
not functional, requiring fees to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advertising steals personal information and cause annoyance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Therefore
, these are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, harmful, and annoying, which leads to forcing clients to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their products.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some of the methods used in advertising are unethical and unacceptable in today's society. v. 22

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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