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Many working people grt little or no exercise either during the working or in their free times and have healt problems as a result. Why do many working people do not get enough exercise? what can be done about these problem? v.1

Many working people grt little or no exercise either during the working or in their free times and have healt problems as a result. Why do many working people do not get enough exercise? what can be done about these problem? v. 1
Nowadays, most of the people around the world are busy in their work to make their life better, meanwhile, the forget about their health moreover, easily compromised with their healthy diet and exercise. This essay will discuss the reasons and solutions that will help people to stay fit. Firstly, in this modern world, most of the workplaces are computerised. So no physical movement or hard work is needed in their jobs. For example, in factories the majority of works are done by machines, there only need human supervision. Furthermore, when people get free time they will spend it watching television or on smartphones. For instance, when friends are together in a park or somewhere else they will play video games. Moreover, children and teenagers also have these issues and now it is their lifestyle. To avoid the aforementioned problems people need to be more conscious about their health. However, it is not possible to change the working conditions. One of the options is people should try to utilize their time and do activities whenever they get the opportunity. To illustrate, choose walking or cycling instead of a car or metro while going to the office. Another option is to play some interesting sports with friends or family at the free time. For example, play football with friends in the park such activities will help people to stay healthy. To summarize, today, it is difficult to do a proper workout to stay fit. Moreover, people have to take initiative for their workouts. They can choose walking, cycling or any sports they are interested in. Without good exercise and diet, they will suffer in the future.
Nowadays, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world are busy in their work to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their life better, meanwhile,
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'forget' is correct. If 'forget' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the forget
about their health
moreover
,
easily
compromised with their healthy diet and exercise. This essay will discuss the reasons and solutions that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay fit.

Firstly
, in this modern world, most of the workplaces are
Possible spelling mistake. 'computerised' is British English.
computerised
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
no physical movement or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work
is needed
in their jobs.
For example
, in factories the majority of works
are done
by machines, there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
need human supervision.
Furthermore
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
free time they will spend it watching television or on smartphones.
For instance
, when friends are together in a park or somewhere else they will play video games.
Moreover
, children and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
also
have these issues and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it is their lifestyle.

To avoid the aforementioned problems
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to be more conscious about their health.
However
, it is not possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the working conditions. One of the options is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should try to utilize their time and do activities whenever they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the opportunity. To illustrate, choose walking or cycling
instead
of a car or metro while going to the office. Another option is to play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
interesting sports with friends or family at the free time.
For example
, play football with friends in the park such activities will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay healthy.

To summarize
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, it is difficult to do a proper workout to stay fit.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take initiative for their workouts. They can choose walking, cycling or any sports they
are interested
in. Without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
exercise and diet, they will suffer in the future.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many working people grt little or no exercise either during the working or in their free times and have healt problems as a result. Why do many working people do not get enough exercise? what can be done about these problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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