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A few major languages are increasingly spoken in different countries, while the usage of others is rapidly declining. Is this a positive or a negative development? v.2

A few major languages are increasingly spoken in different countries, while the usage of others is rapidly declining. Is this a positive or a negative development? v. 2
These days, that the prevalence of international languages renders minority languages obsolete has sparked considerable public debate. Although this trend is not without merits, its drawbacks justify them. There are a multitude of manifest advantages of this phenomena to the societies. First, since the number of people using global language such as English and Chinese has been increased, communication between human in different parts of the world will be more effective than ever. For example, if only a few languages are spoken, there will be no language barrier, which facilitates the way people exchange information and travel to other countries, by extension, reduces the need for interpretation and translation. Moreover, the increase in usage of global languages is also conducive to trading as it helps international companies connect to their partners and expand their business around the world. That means, more career opportunities would be created as a business opens factory in other places, which enhances the living standard of the locals. Nevertheless, under no circumstances should the demerits of this trend be marginalized. First, because a language represents culture of a nation, if one language disappears, a whole way of life will also vanish with it, leading to the loss of cultural diversity that makes societies more interesting. Not to mention, the domination of global languages is also to blame for the rise of language discrimination throughout the world. Consequently, some individuals may hold a linguistic prejudice against someone due to their use of language, and this may eventually result in unfair treatments in some extent. Examples may be clearly seen in the workplace and in education systems, where victims’ well-being, self-esteem, self-worth, and social relations are often severely impacted by discriminators. In conclusion, although the domination of some international languages does have some tangible benefits, these pale into insignificance when compared with the drawbacks. By protecting mother languages, governments can preserve the value of national culture and alleviate the consequences of linguicism for society.
These days, that the prevalence of international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
renders minority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
obsolete has sparked considerable public debate. Although this trend is not without merits, its drawbacks justify them.

There are a multitude of manifest advantages of
Did you mean "these"?
this
phenomena to the societies.
First
, since the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
using global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
such as English and Chinese has
been increased
, communication between human in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world will be more effective than ever.
For example
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
are spoken
, there will be no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
barrier, which facilitates the way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
exchange information and travel to other countries, by extension,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the need for interpretation and translation.
Moreover
, the increase in usage of global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
is
also
conducive to trading as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
connect to their partners and expand their business around the world. That means, more career opportunities would
be created
as a business opens factory in other places, which enhances the living standard of the locals.

Nevertheless
, under no circumstances should the demerits of this trend
be marginalized
.
First
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
represents culture of a nation, if one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
disappears, a whole way of life will
also
vanish with it, leading to the loss of cultural diversity that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
societies more interesting. Not to mention, the domination of global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
is
also
to blame for the rise of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
discrimination throughout the world.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals may hold a linguistic prejudice against someone due to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, and this may
eventually
result in unfair treatments in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent. Examples may be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the workplace and in education systems, where victims’ well-being, self-esteem, self-worth, and social relations are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
severely
impacted by discriminators.

In conclusion
, although the domination of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
does have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tangible benefits, these pale into insignificance when compared with the drawbacks. By protecting mother
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can preserve the value of national culture and alleviate the consequences of
Possible spelling mistake found.
linguicism
for society.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay A few major languages are increasingly spoken in different countries, while the usage of others is rapidly declining. Is this a positive or a negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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