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Some findings have revealed that cities around the world are growing large. Could you outline the possible causes and predict consequences? v.2

Some findings have revealed that cities around the world are growing large. Could you outline the possible causes and predict consequences? v. 2
These days, that many cities grow outward around the world has been a subject of public debate. Whilst many believe that this is a positive trend, I am of the idea that it also exerts many negative implications. This essay will analyze the forces behind this trend and its consequences. Some compelling reasons can be cited to shed light on the urban sprawl around the globe. First, rural to urban migration is deemed as the primary cause of this trend. In fact, since a myriad of company, factory and health facility are located in urban areas, a great number of people living in country sides move to cities annually in search of better standards of living as well as job opportunities, which makes these metropolitan regions more jam-packed. As a result, that cities grow outward is unavoidable. Second, the urban population growth is also to blame for the expansion of metropolitan areas. That means, to meet the dwellers’ demand for accommodation, governments have to enlarge the cities by establishing more infrastructures as well as amenities in the suburbs. However, there are several problems inherent in the rise of cities expansion. First, living in these regions does equal the degradation of people’s health as the air quality in teeming urban areas has been on an alarming level. By regularly getting exposed to a sheer volume of carbon and exhaust fumes, people dwelling in urban areas are prone to suffer many serious health problems such as respiratory diseases, which shortens their longevity. Moreover, that rural to urban migration creates multi-cultural society might lead to regional discrimination. For example, children from minority groups are usually victims of bullying at school as other students hold prejudice against their social background, which affects adversely their self-esteem and mental health in the long term. In conclusion, it seems to me that the urbanization stemming from rural to urban migration and the rise in citizen’s population is not without demerits. Not only does it put people’s heathy at risk but also trigger discrimination in community.
These days, that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
grow outward around the world has been a subject of public debate. Whilst
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend, I am of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that it
also
exerts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
implications. This essay will analyze the forces behind this trend and its consequences.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
compelling reasons can
be cited
to shed light on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
sprawl around the globe.
First
, rural to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
migration
is deemed
as the primary cause of this trend. In fact, since a myriad of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, factory and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
facility
are located
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, a great number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in country sides
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
annually
in search of better standards of living
as well
as job opportunities, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
these metropolitan regions more jam-packed.
As a result
, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
grow outward is unavoidable. Second, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
population growth is
also
to blame for the expansion of metropolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. That means, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the dwellers’ demand for accommodation,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
enlarge the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
by establishing more infrastructures
as well
as amenities in the suburbs.

However
, there are several problems inherent in the rise of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
expansion.
First
, living in these regions does equal the degradation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
as the air quality in teeming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
has been on an alarming level. By
regularly
getting exposed to a sheer volume of carbon and exhaust fumes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
dwelling in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are prone to suffer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems such as respiratory diseases, which shortens their longevity.
Moreover
, that rural to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
migration creates multi-cultural society might lead to regional discrimination.
For example
, children from minority groups are
usually
victims of bullying at school as other students hold prejudice against their social background, which affects
adversely
their self-esteem and mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in the long term.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that the urbanization stemming from rural to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
migration and the rise in citizen’s population is not without demerits. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does it put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
Possible spelling mistake found.
heathy
at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
trigger discrimination in community.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some findings have revealed that cities around the world are growing large. Could you outline the possible causes and predict consequences? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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