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Some people believe that children can learn effectively by watching TV and they should be encouraged to watch TV both at home and at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.5

Some people believe that children can learn effectively by watching TV and they should be encouraged to watch TV both at home and at school. v. 5
Some people believe that young children should use the computer every day, others, however, think it has more disadvantages than advantages for young boys and girls` development. I completely agree with this statement and in this essay, I will explain why. On the one hand, those who support the use of computers claim that they keep children entertained for long periods and consequently do not require their parent`s attention. In this manner, when kids play computer games their carers can do other activities rather than interacting with them. Another positive effect is that children learn a lot from these computer games or programs. There are, for example, language teaching videos with songs and colourful drawings available online which can enhance their knowledge from early ages. On the other hand, young boys and girls suffer from many negative effects because of this. In the first place, they have more sedentary lifestyles leading to more obesity and weight-related diseases, namely, diabetes and high blood pressure. Sports and outdoor activities are less practised because they prefer computer-related activities. The second disadvantage to bear in mind is that creativity is seriously affected due to they read fewer books and play fewer board games. Social skills are also significantly harmed as children do not interact as much with adults, friends or peers. In conclusion, some people believe that children should use the computer on a daily basis because they get easily entertained and taught. I, however, think here are several drawbacks to take into account, such as sedentary lifestyle related diseases, socialization and creativity difficulties. Therefore, parents and teachers should limit the amount of time spent on these technological devices.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the computer every day, others,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it has more disadvantages than advantages for young boys and girls` development. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and in this essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why.

On the one hand, those who support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers claim that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
entertained for long periods and
consequently
do not require their
The character between 'parent' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "parent’s" (curly apostrophe) or "parent's" (straight apostrophe).
parent`s
attention. In this manner, when kids play computer games their carers can do other activities
rather
than interacting with them. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn a lot from these computer games or programs. There are,
for example
, language teaching videos with songs and
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
drawings available online which can enhance their knowledge from early ages.

On the other hand
, young boys and girls suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects
because of this
. In the
first
place, they have more sedentary lifestyles leading to more obesity and weight-related diseases,
namely
, diabetes and high blood pressure. Sports and outdoor activities are less
Possible spelling mistake. 'practised' is British English.
practised
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they prefer computer-related activities. The second disadvantage to bear in mind is that creativity is
seriously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
due to they read fewer books and play fewer board games. Social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are
also
significantly
harmed as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not interact as much with adults, friends or peers.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the computer on a daily basis
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
easily
entertained and taught. I,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
here are several drawbacks to take into account, such as sedentary lifestyle related diseases, socialization and creativity difficulties.
Therefore
, parents and teachers should limit the amount of time spent on these technological devices.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay Some people believe that children can learn effectively by watching TV and they should be encouraged to watch TV both at home and at school. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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