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Some people believe that children can learn effectively by watching TV and they should be encouraged to watch TV both at home and at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

Some people believe that children can learn effectively by watching TV and they should be encouraged to watch TV both at home and at school. v. 4
It is believed that watching TV is a better method for children to gain knowledge effectively, and hence, some people contend that children should be allowed to watch TV both at home and school. Personally, I do not agree with this argument. On the one hand, it is true that TV is one of the prime sources of data and information. By watching TV, children can develop skills in extra-curriculum activities. However, spending too much time on TV would cause the negative impaction on children’s imagination. This is because children get used to accepting the content showed through the TV screen. For example, if a kid has watched Snow White’s movie, it will be difficult for him to create his own image when he read the book about Snow White, since he has already memorized the pictures. In addition, through TV children can get in touch with those restrictive programs not allowed for their ages, and therefore, this can have major psychological consequences. On the other hand, only relying on watching TV can lead to worse communicating skills. This is because in this way they unilaterally accept the information given by TV. For example, in class students can interact with teachers and give feedback on what they have learnt. What’s more, students are not able to learn effectively by watching TV. This is because children’s self-control may not be as good as expected. Children get addictive to their favorite programs like Cartoon channels, or baseball and easily get distracted from study during exam period and this can seriously impact their grades. In conclusion, watching TV is not an effective way for children to get knowledge, since it would leave negative consequences.
It
is believed
that watching TV is a better method for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to gain knowledge
effectively
, and
hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
contend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV both at home and school.
Personally
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this argument.

On the one hand, it is true that TV is one of the prime sources of data and information. By watching TV,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in extra-curriculum activities.
However
, spending too much time on TV would cause the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impaction on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
imagination. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to accepting the content
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
through the TV screen.
For example
, if a kid has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
Snow White’s movie, it will be difficult for him to create his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
image when he read the book about Snow White, since he has already memorized the pictures.
In addition
, through TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in touch with those restrictive programs not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
for their ages, and
therefore
, this can have major psychological consequences.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
relying on watching TV can lead to worse communicating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in this way they
unilaterally
accept the information
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by TV.
For example
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
students can interact with teachers and give feedback on what they have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
. What’s more, students are not able to learn
effectively
by watching TV. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
self-control may not be as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addictive to their favorite programs like Cartoon channels, or baseball and
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
distracted from study during exam period and this can
seriously
impact their grades.

In conclusion
, watching TV is not an effective way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge, since it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children can learn effectively by watching TV and they should be encouraged to watch TV both at home and at school. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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