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How do movies or television influence peoples behavior, use reason and specific example. to support your answer v.1

How do movies or television influence peoples behavior, use reason and specific example. to support your answer v. 1
Nowadays, there is a significant rise in world trade and this means that some goods which are consumed by people have to be made in other parts of the world, and be transported over long distance. While this trend has many benefits, I strongly believe that the overall case creates several negative impacts. There is no doubt that goods which are produced in other countries have many benefits. First of all, companies are able to minimize the cost of their production because they have not to pay an expensive price of workers. For example, most corporations from western countries tend to produce their goods in Thailand due to the lowest salaries of workers. In addition, it can advance the bilateral relationship between two countries such as developing their relationship in politic, economic, health and low policy. Companies also help the authority to decrease jobless in their country. Evidence of this can be seen that many large industrial cities around the world have no more jobless. Likewise, long-journey transportation also has some benefits. Firstly, it can create new opportunities for drivers. This is because all sorts of transports need drivers to deliver their good to retailers. Next, long distance transportation can add taxes of toll or street which cars use it. None of this would have had some benefits from these events. However, the main drawback of producing goods in other countries is that it is going to decrease taxes of country house. This is because corporations will pay their taxes to the government where they produce their goods. For example, most companies from the United States of America, which produce their goods in Indonesia have to pay taxes to the Indonesian government. As a result, The United States of America cannot get taxes from their companies. Whilst, long distance transportation makes bad pollution. This is because cars which they use to deliver the number of goods cause carbon emission. For example, most cars which in the street make out bad pollution are dangerous for human life. As a result, the number of goods which are transported over long distance are not really good for humans. There is no more reason that this problem can create carbon emission. To sum up, producing the number of goods can give many benefits for some corporations and the government because they can add to their profits. On the other hand, there are many drawbacks which can damage human life. For this problem, Corporations and the government should make good environment and do not think just about their profits.
Nowadays, there is a significant rise in world trade and this means that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
which
are consumed
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be made
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
parts of the world, and
be transported
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
distance
. While this trend has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
, I
strongly
believe that the
overall
case creates several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts.

There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
which
are produced
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are able to minimize the cost of their production
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have not to pay an expensive price of workers.
For example
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corporations
from western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
tend to produce their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
in Thailand due to the lowest salaries of workers.
In addition
, it can advance the bilateral relationship between two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such as developing their relationship in politic, economic, health and low policy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Companies
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the authority to decrease jobless in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Evidence of this can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
large industrial cities around the world have no more jobless.
Likewise
, long-journey transportation
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
.
Firstly
, it can create new opportunities for drivers. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all sorts of transports need drivers to deliver their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
to retailers.
Next
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
distance
transportation can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
of toll or street which cars
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it. None of this would have had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
from these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

However
, the main drawback of producing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is that it is going to decrease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corporations
will pay their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
where they produce their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
.
For example
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
from the United States of America, which produce their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
in Indonesia
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
to the Indonesian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
As a result
, The United States of America cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. Whilst,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
distance
transportation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
pollution. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
cars which they
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
deliver the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
cause carbon emission.
For example
, most cars which in the street
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
out
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
pollution are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for human life.
As a result
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
which
are transported
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
distance
are not
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for humans. There is no more reason that this problem can create carbon emission.

To sum up, producing the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
can give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corporations
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to their profits. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks which can damage human life. For this problem,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Corporations
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
environment and do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
about their profits.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay How do movies or television influence peoples behavior, use reason and specific example. to support your answer v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
424 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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