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Some people believe that children can learn effectively by watching TV and they should be encouraged to watch TV both at home and at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people believe that children can learn effectively by watching TV and they should be encouraged to watch TV both at home and at school. v. 2
Watching television (especially informative television) is regarded as an effective method of learning, because audio-visual information can attract students’ attention and engage their interest. Although many TV programmes have educational value, I do not agree with the idea of increasing screen time. Television viewing can interfere with children’s studies and other activities which can benefit these children’s intellectual development. They may not able to achieve good grades in exams because screen time displaces the time they could spend doing homework. It is also worrying to see that television viewing can crowd out those activities which can improve children’s intellectual skills, such as reading, playing chess and board games. Another problem is that long screen time can limit children’s social development. Those children who sit in front of their TV many hours, instead of playing games with their peers and communicating with teachers. They will become unsociable and unwilling to express their views and understand the thoughts of other people. Without good communication skills, they will have difficulty in gaining knowledge, drawing upon the ideas of classmates or teachers, and achieving academic success. On the other hand, I understand that television has exposed children to a world of knowledge. There are many educational programmes aimed for children, allowing them to gain an insight into different subjects. For example, documentaries can help children learn about historical events while foreign language channels can help them acquire foreign languages. This kind of knowledge can complement what they learn at school. To summaries, I would argue that parents and teachers should impose restrictions on children’s television viewing, although television shows are a source of knowledge. Watching TV can have an adverse impact on exam grades and social skills.
Watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
(
especially
informative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television)
is regarded
as an effective method of learning,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
audio-visual information can attract students’ attention and engage their interest. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
have educational value, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of increasing screen time.

Television viewing can interfere with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
studies and other activities which can benefit these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
intellectual development. They may not able to achieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grades in exams
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
screen time displaces the time they could spend doing homework. It is
also
worrying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
viewing can crowd out those activities which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
intellectual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, such as reading, playing chess and board games.

Another problem is that long screen time can limit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
social development. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who sit in front of their TV
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours,
instead
of playing games with their peers and communicating with teachers. They will become unsociable and unwilling to express their views and understand the thoughts of other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, they will have difficulty in gaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
, drawing upon the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
of classmates or teachers, and achieving academic success.

On the other hand
, I understand that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has exposed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to a world of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
educational
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
aimed for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, allowing them to gain an insight into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
subjects.
For example
, documentaries can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn about historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
while foreign language channels can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them acquire foreign languages. This kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
can complement what they learn at school.

To summaries, I would argue that parents and teachers should impose restrictions on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
viewing, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
are a source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
. Watching TV can have an adverse impact on exam grades and social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children can learn effectively by watching TV and they should be encouraged to watch TV both at home and at school. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
283 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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