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if you are given an opportunity to study a subject which you have never studied, which subject will you choose? v.1

if you are given an opportunity to study a subject which you have never studied, which subject will you choose? v. 1
Since time immemorial, a person's success has always been measured by the amount of money he has accumulated over the course of his life. In my opinion, there are some other characteristics that rightly define a human being as being successful apart from just money. These can include the fellow's virtues of helping the needy people and maintaining a sense of humility while being around all kinds of people. Whether a creature is successful in every sense of the word or not, can be judged by his being considerate towards the poor and the needy. If a well-off individual can feed those in help, it can be very beneficial for them. For instance, I have a paternal uncle who donates at least ten percent of his earnings to an NGO that feeds poor children on the streets. Hence, a well established human must endeavour to help the poor people wherever possible. In addition to that, a person's success can be ascertained by the kind of humility he maintains when around other people from different backgrounds. A prosperous man always maintains the same level of dignity with all kinds of humans. To illustrate, a sports personality named Sachin Tendulkar, even after having earned enormous amounts of amenities and having received appreciation from people of all sorts, remains so down to earth till date. Therefore, it should also be a necessary quality for a famous person to have some modesty towards others. To sum up, accumulating funds should not be the only criteria for a human to be successful and famous. One's good deeds, including benevolence, modesty make one achieve the ultimate level of success.
Since time immemorial, a person's success has always
been measured
by the amount of money he has accumulated over the course of his life. In my opinion, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other characteristics that
rightly
define a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being as being successful apart from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
money. These can include the fellow's virtues of helping the needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and maintaining a sense of humility while being around all kinds of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Whether a creature is successful in every sense of the word or not, can
be judged
by his being considerate towards the poor and the needy. If a well-off individual can feed those in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, it can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for them.
For instance
, I have a paternal uncle who donates at least ten percent of his earnings to an NGO that feeds poor children on the streets.
Hence
, a well established
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wherever possible.

In addition
to that, a person's success can
be ascertained
by the kind of humility he maintains when around other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds. A prosperous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
always maintains the same level of dignity with all kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
. To illustrate, a sports personality named
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
, even after having earned enormous amounts of amenities and having received appreciation from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all sorts, remains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
down to earth till date.
Therefore
, it should
also
be a necessary quality for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
person to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
modesty towards others.

To sum up, accumulating funds should not be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
criteria for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
to be successful and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
. One's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
deeds, including benevolence, modesty
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
one achieve the ultimate level of success.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay if you are given an opportunity to study a subject which you have never studied, which subject will you choose? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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