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Some people believe that children can learn effectively by watching TV and they should be encouraged to watch TV both at home and at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some people believe that children can learn effectively by watching TV and they should be encouraged to watch TV both at home and at school. v. 3
It is often argued that the TV programs could help children learning process much faster, so parents and teachers should motivate and let their children to watch TV in either school or home. In my opinion, I completely disagree with learning through TV could lead into a better success and should not be introduced more. First of all, only a few educational TV programs are helpful for children and all of them are a long duration film. In other words, the knowledge for children to absorb for the same amount of time are just a few compared to the conventional study, such as reading books and doing homeworks. Even though children are more motivated by animated pictures, but it would turn out to be an inefficient and a waste of time. For example, one of the most popular program in the past for learning purpose was 'Are You Smarter than A Fifth Grader' which is about a competition between a bunch of fifth grader and adults by answering science and mathematics problems. It was an our duration program for every episode and the questions were quite abstract whether it is for a fifth grade or a first grade. That's why, it's more ineffective and inefficient to study using Television. Secondly, despite the perspective of each individual about how TV could lead in a more effective learning, the disadvantages are still outweighing the benefits. The purpose of each program on Television is to provide entertainment for the audiences. So, there are a lot of possibilities for youngsters to misused TV for just entertainment and finally become overly addicted to it. Due to the fact that both parents and teachers could not possibly monitor the children every moment. Thus, learning from TV could be very dangerous and lead into a bad habit for children. In conclusion, watching TV for educational purpose is not considered good in many ways because of the inefficient amount of time and issues afterwards.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that the TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
process much faster,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
parents and teachers should motivate and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV in either school or home. In my opinion, I completely disagree with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
through TV could lead into a better success and should not
be introduced
more.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few educational TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
are helpful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and all of them are a long duration film.
In other words
, the knowledge for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to absorb for the same amount of time are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few compared to the conventional study, such as reading books and doing
Possible spelling mistake found.
homeworks
.
Even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more motivated by animated pictures,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it would turn out to be an inefficient and a waste of time.
For example
, one of the most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
in the past for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
purpose was 'Are You Smarter than A Fifth Grader' which is about a competition between a bunch of fifth grader and adults by answering science and mathematics problems. It was
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "our duration" or "an duration"?
an our duration
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
for every episode and the questions were quite abstract whether it is for a fifth grade or a
first
grade. That's why, it's more ineffective and inefficient to study using Television.

Secondly
, despite the perspective of each individual about how TV could lead in a more effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
, the disadvantages are
still
outweighing the benefits. The purpose of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
on Television is to provide entertainment for the audiences.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
possibilities for youngsters to misused TV for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
entertainment and
finally
become
overly
addicted to it. Due to the fact that both parents and teachers could not
possibly
monitor the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
every moment.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
from TV could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
and lead into a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habit for children.

In conclusion
, watching TV for educational purpose is not considered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the inefficient amount of time and issues afterwards.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Some people believe that children can learn effectively by watching TV and they should be encouraged to watch TV both at home and at school. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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