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with arise in popularity of the internet newspapers will soon become a thing of the past to what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

with arise in popularity of the internet newspapers will soon become a thing of the past v. 1
Almost every country in the world has one or more historical buildings, which are protected by the regulations of the law. While some people argue that these buildings should be demolished and replaced with new buildings for the growth of the nation, I believe that they should be maintained because they are not a hurdle in the path to economic growth. Rather, they are a source of revenue and knowledge. Heritage buildings play a significant role in enhancing our knowledge about the historical events occurred in the country. This is because many of these constructions are related to either revolutions recorded in history or the way our ancestors used to live their life. By teaching about these buildings, teachers can instil in their students a sense of patriotism and pride in their heritage. For instance, the Gandhi Ashram at Ahmedabad played a vital role in our freedom struggle against the British. When people visit this Ashram, they will learn more about India’s struggle for independence and appreciate the value of freedom. On the other hand, there is an argument that old buildings are obstacles to the progress of the country as they do not fit into the plan of modern cities. However, as per the data published by UNESCO, tourism is one of the booming industries and historical buildings are one of the most visited places in the world. Hence, many governments are promoting these historical places to attract tourists from foreign countries. For example, the campaign Incredible India features historical buildings like Taj Mahal and Red Fort in their promotions, as these buildings are some of the most attractive tourist destinations. Hence, by promoting these monuments, authorities can increase the influx of tourists and thus earn valuable foreign exchange. In conclusion, despite the argument that historical buildings should make way for new constructions, I firmly believe that these could come at the cost of destroying our history and heritage. Hence, in my opinion, these buildings need to be protected as they represent our heritage and earn revenue for the government.
Almost every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in the world has one or more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
, which
are protected
by the regulations of the law. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
should
be demolished
and replaced with new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
for the growth of the nation, I believe that they should
be maintained
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not a hurdle in the path to economic growth.
Rather
, they are a source of revenue and knowledge.

Heritage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
play a significant role in enhancing our knowledge about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
occurred in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of these constructions
are related
to either revolutions recorded in history or the way our ancestors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their life. By teaching about these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
, teachers can
Possible spelling mistake. 'instil' is British English.
instil
in their students a sense of patriotism and pride in their heritage.
For instance
, the Gandhi Ashram at Ahmedabad played a vital role in our freedom struggle against the British. When
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
visit this Ashram, they will learn more about India’s struggle for independence and appreciate the value of freedom.

On the other hand
, there is an argument that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
are obstacles to the progress of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as they do not fit into the plan of modern cities.
However
, as per the data published by UNESCO, tourism is one of the booming industries and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
are one of the most visited places in the world.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are promoting these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
places to attract tourists from foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
For example
, the campaign Incredible India features
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
like Taj Mahal and Red Fort in their promotions, as these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of the most attractive tourist destinations.
Hence
, by promoting these monuments, authorities can increase the influx of tourists and
thus
earn valuable foreign exchange.

In conclusion
, despite the argument that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
way for new constructions, I
firmly
believe that these could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
at the cost of destroying our history and heritage.
Hence
, in my opinion, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
need to
be protected
as they represent our heritage and earn revenue for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay with arise in popularity of the internet newspapers will soon become a thing of the past v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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