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Some people believe that children can learn effectively by watching TV and they should be encouraged to watch TV both at home and school. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that children can learn effectively by watching TV and they should be encouraged to watch TV both at home and school. v. 1
It is believed that children can learn productively from watching TV set and they be stimulated to watch tv at home and school. I strongly disagree that children need to be motivated to watch box both at home and high school. Firstly, this essay will discuss the pros of studying though tv-gazing and secondly, cons of depriving of social interactions with a teacher and classmates. On the one hand, no doubt that tv -box can be a powerful tool of delivering information and be a nice part of the learning process. Visual illustrations can be easily taught, for example, boring subjects like history can become interesting. For example, due to the COVID-19 quarantine children around the globe study remotely. Teachers from high schools to record their lessons on central TV set, later the kids can watch it online. On the other hand, if TV set is used as an educational tool, then then a strict monitoring is needed. Children are susceptible to the violence portrayed on a screen, as well as profanity. Secondly, if children watch television at high school also, then their interaction with a teacher becomes limited. Teachers teach a lot of things apart from an academic plan. They can stimulate children to study more, and help with giving a moral support and an advice if a student encounters some problem in his family. Furthermore, children would read less when they learn everything from TV. Reading is an activity that develops a critical thinking. So, encouraging children by gazing Tv would be detrimental to the development of children. For example, the Finnish high school system school system is highly praised because teachers do not spend time in a class. They have extracurricular activities for each student, regardless of a social status. To conclude, although TV is a very good educational medium, in my opinion, it should be used within limits and whatever children learn from TV should also be carefully monitored by parents and teachers.
It
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn
productively
from watching TV
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
set and
they
be stimulated
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
at home and school.

I
strongly
disagree that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to
be motivated
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
box both at home and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Firstly
, this essay will discuss the pros of studying though
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv-gazing
and
secondly
, cons of depriving of social interactions with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
and classmates.

On the one hand, no doubt that
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
-box can be a powerful tool of delivering information and be a nice part of the learning process. Visual illustrations can be
easily
taught,
for example
, boring subjects like history can become interesting.
For example
, due to the COVID-19 quarantine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
around the globe study
remotely
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teachers
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to record their lessons on central TV set, later the kids can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
it online.

On the other hand
, if TV set is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as an educational tool,
Possible typo: you repeated a word
then then
a strict monitoring
is needed
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are susceptible to the violence portrayed on a screen,
as well
as profanity.
Secondly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
television at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
also
, then their interaction with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
becomes limited.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teachers
teach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things apart from an academic plan. They can stimulate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to study more, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with giving a moral support and an advice if a student encounters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problem in his family.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would read less when they learn everything from TV. Reading is an activity that develops a critical thinking.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by gazing
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tv
would be detrimental to the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
, the Finnish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
system
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
system is
highly
praised
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
do not spend time in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. They have extracurricular activities for each student, regardless of a social status.

To conclude
, although TV is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
educational medium, in my opinion, it should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
within limits and whatever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn from TV should
also
be
carefully
monitored by parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children can learn effectively by watching TV and they should be encouraged to watch TV both at home and school. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
327 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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